If you’ve ever walked into a parent-teacher meeting feeling like you need a PowerPoint, a TED Talk, and a support person just to be taken seriously – you’re not alone. For many ADHD mums, these meetings can feel less like collaboration and more like damage control.
But when we zoom out, one thing becomes clear: the connection between school and home has a huge impact on how supported our kids feel – and how sustainable this journey is for us as parents.
This episode of the ADHD Mums podcast with Sue Larkey is a must-listen if you’re ready for practical advice on strengthening that connection, even when things feel tense.
Listen to the full episode here
Why Parent–Teacher Relationships Really Matter
Teachers are experts in teaching. Parents are experts in their child. But when communication breaks down between the two, our neurodivergent kids are the ones who pay the price – through missed support, unmet needs, and misunderstood behaviour.
The good news? There are ways to build mutual understanding – even if you’re starting from a tough place.
Step 1: Find Someone in the Leadership Team Who Gets It
Sometimes the class teacher isn’t the right person to drive change. That’s not a failure – it’s a systems issue. When things feel stuck, shift your focus to building a relationship with someone in school leadership or learning support.
Why? Leadership teams often decide:
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Teacher placement for the following year
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Access to teacher aides or SLSO support
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Whether adjustments are informal or formalised
Real-life tip: If it’s been a hard year, try highlighting what has worked before raising concerns. This builds trust and increases the likelihood that what you’re asking for will land.
Step 2: Understand That Feedback Needs Framing
Neurodivergent communication is often direct (and honest) – which can clash with neurotypical preferences for positive framing. The reality is: when you’re dealing with schools, it helps to lead with strengths before highlighting needs.
That doesn’t mean masking or sugarcoating. It means increasing the chance your message will be heard.
Try: ✅ “We really appreciate how [teacher] supports [child’s name] with [something that’s working]. One thing that’s still tricky is [insert issue]. We’d love to explore what might help.”
It’s not about tiptoeing. It’s about making sure your concerns don’t get dismissed before the real conversation can even start.
Step 3: Step Back So They Can Step Up
Supporting executive function isn’t about controlling everything – it’s about coaching your child to do more of it themselves. That’s hard when you’re burnt out. But the goal isn’t independence tomorrow – it’s progress over time.
Here’s what that might look like:
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Let them lay out their clothes and ask what’s missing.
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Instead of packing their bag, co-create a visual checklist or routine.
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Give choices about when they’ll do homework, and help hold the boundary (without the battle).
When we overfunction, we unintentionally block our kids from practising the skills they’ll need later. The more they do, the less we have to.
Final Thoughts: It’s About Connection, Not Compliance
Neurodivergent kids thrive in environments that are built on connection, not control. That starts with the adults in their life being able to work together – even if it’s messy at first.
This episode with Sue Larkey is full of practical ways to advocate for your child and preserve your energy as a mum navigating a complex system.
Related Resources:
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A Child’s Diagnosis: A Mum’s Guide to Helping Others ‘Get It’
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Follow @adhd_mums on Instagram for more validation and strategies
