As an Autistic and ADHD mum, I’ve spent years unpacking the layers of my neurodivergence and the journey of self-understanding isn’t just life-changing – it’s life-affirming. For our Autistic kids, there’s no magic pill that’s going to make everything click, but the kindest, most powerful thing we can give them is a deep understanding of who they are. Knowing how their brain works, understanding their capacity, and building self-esteem isn’t just helpful – it’s vital.
The frustrating part? So many misconceptions about Autism hold us back from getting that clarity. Whether it’s misunderstanding what Autism looks like or dismissing it outright, these myths aren’t just annoying – they’re harmful. Every single Autistic adult I have spoken to just wishes they had known earlier.
Here are 5 of the big Myths that we need to dismantle.
Myth 1: If a person or child can display eye contact, they can’t be Autistic.
Eye contact is one of the most misunderstood aspects of Autism. While some Autistic individuals find it uncomfortable or avoid it altogether, many learn to mask and force eye contact because society expects it. Personally, I’ve mastered eye contact, but it doesn’t come naturally. In fact, I tend to overdo it, giving a bit too much eye contact because it’s a learned behaviour rather than an instinct.
Think about your child. When they speak to you or ask for something, do they naturally make eye contact, or do they sometimes look down and only glance up afterward, as if remembering they’re ‘supposed to’? Do they maintain eye contact while speaking or only when they realise you’re responding?
Eye contact in Autism isn’t about an all-or-nothing ability – it’s about a difference. Assuming that a child who can make eye contact isn’t Autistic can leave many kids undiagnosed and unsupported.
Myth 2: Autistic people aren’t social.
This one really gets under my skin. Autistic people can be incredibly social – but it’s often on their terms.I love connecting with others, but socialising can be draining if I don’t have control over how it happens. It’s not that Autistic people can’t or don’t enjoy socialising; it’s just that they may prefer a small group for example.
Your child might thrive in one-on-one interactions or prefer to be in ‘charge’ of the play and lose interest when a game is played that isn’t their preference. However throw this child into a chaotic classroom or a noisy birthday party, and they might shut down or need a break after. That’s not a lack of social interest – it’s overstimulation.
Myth 3: People with empathy can’t be Autistic.
The idea that Autistic people lack empathy is not only incorrect – it’s insulting. Many of us feel deeply, sometimes too deeply. For me, it’s not that I don’t care – it’s that I can feel overwhelmed by emotions, mine and others. I also get confused with boundaries so I often go ‘over and above’ for total strangers and end up feeling ‘used’ or ‘exhausted’ by a friendship because I don’t really understand when to give and take so I just give the whole time.
If your child cries when they see another child upset or gets anxious because they’re worried about how someone else feels, they might not ‘lack empathy’ – they might have so much of it that they struggle to process it.
Myth 4: Autism is visible to others, and you’d notice it through social differences.
One of the most damaging myths about Autism is that it’s something you can “see.” Autism isn’t a look – it’s a way of processing the world. Expecting it to be visible, like a physical trait, completely misses the point. Many Autistic children mask their traits so well that even their closest family members don’t notice. This masking comes at a cost: mental health struggles, burnout, and a deep sense of not being understood.
Some children internalise their Autism, working hard to mimic expected behaviours, like a duck gliding across a pond while paddling furiously underneath. These are the kids who hold it together at school but fall apart at home, leaving parents feeling like they’re going mad when teachers insist ‘everything is fine.’
Social differences aren’t always obvious either. Your child might thrive in small groups but struggle in larger ones. They might copy their peers’ behaviour so convincingly that you don’t notice their internal battles. These kids often watch and learn what gets them praise, creating an intellectual map of ‘shoulds’ to follow – an exhausting process that can lead to anxiety and overwhelm.
Myth 5: Some parents get their kids diagnosed as Autistic just to access NDIS funding.
This one makes my blood boil. A diagnosis is incredibly hard to get and the appointments, assessments, waiting lists – it’s an expensive, emotional rollercoaster. No parent willingly goes through that to cover the basic therapies if their child doesn’t even need therapy? There is absolutely no money given out to parents – it’s about giving our kids the support they need. The idea that parents would fake a diagnosis undermines the struggles we face and the lengths we go to for our children.
The Kindest Thing We Can Do for Our Kids
The kindest thing we can do for our children is to help them understand who they are. When we hold up neurotypical examples and ask why they aren’t meeting them, we risk planting the seeds of a mental health crisis in our Autistic kids. There is incredible power in self-awareness.
When your child knows how their brain works, they can better understand what they need to thrive. Do they need more downtime? Can they learn to say no to environments that overwhelm them and suggest alternatives that suit them better? This kind of self-advocacy builds confidence and lays the foundation for them to grow into empowered adults. When they understand themselves, they can set boundaries. When they feel seen and supported, they build self-esteem.
Unfortunately, too many practitioners still lack an informed understanding of how Autism can present, particularly in its internalised forms. Instead, children are often misdiagnosed with generalised anxiety or depression – diagnoses that might address symptoms but fail to uncover the root cause. If traditional therapies and medications aren’t working, it’s worth exploring whether these challenges stem from an unrecognised Autistic identity. Autism isn’t a flaw – it’s simply a different way of being. Acknowledging this doesn’t limit our kids; it liberates them.
It’s time to move beyond outdated stereotypes and embrace all the presentations of Autism, including the hidden, internalised presentations that don’t fit the ‘classic’ mould. By understanding these experiences, we can better support our kids in living authentically.
Let’s stop clinging to myths and start focusing on what truly matters: understanding, acceptance, and the best outcomes for our children.
