On this episode of The ADHD Mums Podcast, Jane is joined by Shantelle Poynter! Jane and Shantelle explore the popularity of Shantelle’s previous episodes, touching on topics like self-hatred, ADHD, and relationships. The engaging banter between Jane and Shantelle sets the tone for a candid and relatable conversation about the challenges and triumphs of being an ADHD mom.
Jane and Shantelle delve into the theme of “mum experiences,” reflecting on the concept of “mum fails” and how the term may not accurately capture the essence of parenting mishaps. They share personal anecdotes, highlighting the humorous side of neurodivergent experiences, including an amusing yet potentially serious incident involving Shantelle leaving her car running for four hours in a busy shopping centre.
If you’d like to hear Shantelle’s other episodes here they are:
Self Hatred and ADHD
Relationships and ADHD
Transcript
Hello and welcome to the next episode of ADHD Mums. Today we have Chantelle Poynter back. I feel like everyone out there is going, Wow, Chantelle's back. Chantelle will probably not want me to say this, but her episodes are incredibly popular. Self hatred with, self hatred and ADHD, and relationships and ADHD, are always trending at, I think, number two and three on the episode popularity list. Haven't told Chantel that, so she's like just taking that in. So congrats Chantel, why don't you just remind everybody who you are, in case you haven't listened to the other
Shantelle:episodes. Sure. Thanks so much, Jane. What a beautiful way to start our podcast today. I am a mum of two ND kids, and I am a nurse, and I work in the disability sector. And here I am. I feel like this is such a great space to be able to share my experiences with ADHD for myself as a late diagnosed, but also for my children and, and just as an ADHD mum. So thanks again for creating such an amazing place for us to be able to share this information.
Jane:Beautiful, beautiful. Well, this episode, we are talking all about Um, experiences. So Chantel and I have been having a chat about the word mum fail, and it's sounding like it's a choice, like you failed on purpose, and we were talking about the positives and negatives of ADHD, and how sometimes there can be mistakes that happen. Maybe it's an ADHD mum mistake. Chantelle, not a fail, but then Chantelle's positively used the word experience, which I think is also really good word to use as
Shantelle:well. I think in life we have positive and negative experiences and it was just such a great way to. Sum up those events that happen that are very driven by our neurodivergence, and they can be wonderfully fabulous, or they can be wonderfully terrible, but nonetheless, it wasn't a choice to, in inverted commas, fail, but yet definitely might feel like a highlight reel on Funniest Home Videos.
Jane:Yeah, absolutely. I still remember meeting one of my best friends ever, and we were at a mother's group with our first child. And she told me this story about how she left her breast pump behind and she had a newborn baby. She'd driven to Brisbane to the day. She's quite high level and a non profit. And they were all males and she was trying to like hand express into a sink. And she told it how ADHD people, they're very expressive. They're really funny. And we actually still laugh about it because all the neurotypical people I reckon all backed away, like there was people just leaving the area as she's telling the story. And I'm there laughing and laughing and laughing, and we absolutely lost our minds. And I remember thinking, that's my person right there. Chantelle, I thought we would share one about ourselves first. So as, as we discussed offline, didn't sound like we were like bagging people out that had written in their stories and we were sitting back high and mighty, like we've never done anything ourselves. So. Chantelle, why don't you tell us something that you've done that's worth of a laugh. Well, the
Shantelle:list is a mile along, but the one that really, I thought, wow, this is probably my Most intense that also probably had quite serious ramifications that I just hadn't thought of. And I was really, it was a busy week as always, and I had to go to the shops. which I never look forward to. And it was like a Westfield that I had to go to and we moved areas. So I don't know where to park to get to the best shops and all of those sorts of things. So there's quite a lot that went into this decision of, was this the right day and the right time? And I'd got all my ducks in a row. I'd made sure I'd eaten. I had a water bottle with me. I had snacks with me just in case things took longer. I was really like high fiving myself. I couldn't have prepped any better for this trip, had my list of the things I needed to buy, and the name of the shop, and I had a photo of the item, so, with the code, so if there was an issue and I couldn't find it, I could give them the literal code for them to look up, so I was I was fully prepared because I had to get back for a meeting. So I had like a solid three hours. I was like, yeah, that's great. The shops is 10 minutes up the road and we do that over planning thing. So I had really made sure there was nothing around this. So I make it into the car with my snacks and my drink bottle. And I'm like feeling great. Driving to the shops, I've got Google Maps on and I get there, no wrong turns, find a park, and I'm literally just on cloud nine by this point. I cannot believe that I'm just like smooth sailing. So I get out of the car and I go into the shops. And lo and behold, it takes the three hours and a bit more because I was enjoying myself and was scrolling all around Westfield. I got the things I needed that took maybe 40 minutes. And then I was just having the time of my life because now I had all this time. that I could use however I wanted because I'd allocated that amount of time to do those jobs. So I was just feeling great. I think I even grabbed a drink and just was looking in all shops of things I didn't need. And I come out and I think, yep, great on the clock. I've got to get back for a meeting. I'm walking to my car in the car park. The car park is full. I'm parked in this busy part of the section where Coles and Audi are. This pedestrian crossing holds up heaps of cars. for ages. Sometimes you can be sitting there for legitimately like 15 minutes. The foot traffic in this section of the car park is insane. And I'm walking to my car and I think, Oh gosh, it's a real hot day. Like there must be, I'm hearing all noises and I think, Oh gosh, you know, someone's waiting in their car and they've got their car running the aircon on. It's hot. I might have a drink and I get closer to my car. I'm going. Oh, that's not someone sitting in their car with their aircon on, that's my car. I have left my car running for four hours. So I had got to the shops. No. Opened the door and just. Got out of my car, shut the door, and walked off in all my excitement of, I've got my drinks, I've got my snacks, I've got my leaves, and I'm walking around thinking, I'm surprised it was still there. That is what I couldn't believe, in the section of the car park that I was in, no one had stolen my car, and then I was like, looking around, thinking, have people, Have they tried to open the door? Have people sat in my car? Were they thinking this is like surely a joke? Who's leaving their car running? What about the trolley guys? There was a trolley bay like just next to it. Hadn't they been walking? Had they been calling my number plate over the speaker and I hadn't heard it? Like I just, a million questions straight away. And I was like, someone legitimately could have stolen my car. And I think there's
Jane:a lot of, that is crazy. But how do people go into someone's house, right, and steal their keys and everything, right, to get a car? And then you've got your car there running. It doesn't
Shantelle:get stolen. Just rock up to Westfield, some poor ADHDists might have left their car running. But this is, like, that whole function and habit for me, really, it made me think about this, because I don't have to use my key to start my car. Or to turn it off. So I literally put my keys in my bag and just hopped out of my car and carried on. There was no thought process of, Oh, turn the car off, pull the key out, put them in your bag. That kind of old habit, I guess, that I was so reliant on.
Jane:So, did you not run out of petrol?
Shantelle:No, I did not run out of petrol, right? And I had a meeting to go to. It was like getting to that school pickup time as well. So I was like, Oh my gosh. So I turn off the car and I'm like, you know what? I'll turn it off and then restart it again because I was worried about the battery. So then I'll turn it off, restart it again and then see if it works. And then if it works, like if it just turns back on, I don't have to tell anybody about this. This will be my dirty little secret forever. So I turn the car back on. Great. Awesome. I look at the time and I realize, okay, I now have to do this zoom meeting in my car. Otherwise I'm not going to, I'm not going to make it home, but that's okay. I can do it in my car. So I do it in the car. Don't mention anything about it, obviously. And then about 10 minutes before the call ended, my, it got really hot in the car. So I turned the air con on and finished the call. And I think, oh, just restart the car just to double check. And I go to restart the car and it's flat as a tack. And I was like, what's going on? It like started, it had been going for four hours and now it's fine. I only turned it on for 10 minutes. Like how can it run for four hours and be fine? And then 10 minutes is not. So I call RACQ. And again, I've still got probably a decent amount of time to get this sorted. If RACQ come to the rescue. In a decent amount of time, which they've never let me down. And I reckon when you get your diagnosis, as a neurodivergent, it needs to come with a welcome pack. And one of those things should be an RACQ membership. Because they have saved my bacon so many times. 100%. So, they, I call them, they're like, Yep, no worries, we'll be there in like 15 minutes. Awesome. Half an hour later, they're still not there. I'm like, I have to ring someone now to help me and then I'm going to have to explain what's happened. So I just ring them and say my battery's dead, need some help. They arrive, RACQ arrive at the same time. So now I have a crowd. Of course. So they all go, Oh, what's happened? So I say, Oh, I was just sitting in the car and, you know, I walked inside, left the car running for four hours, like, sorry, but like, legitimately, that's what happened. And they both looked at me really confused, like. Oh, well, that shouldn't have been a problem. It shouldn't flatten your battery. And I was really confused. I was like, four hours. Do you not understand? Like it was running for four hours and they're like, yeah, yeah, yeah. They said anything else, like how old's the battery and all of that, and they still couldn't figure it out. And then I said, Oh yeah, and I was on a call and I turned the car on, my aircon on for like 10 minutes. And they, you know, Oh, well, that's what it is. And I literally spat out my coffee and I was like, sorry, are you telling me that that 10 minutes of the air con on did more damage to the battery than four hours sitting in the car park? And they were like, yep, 100%. And it really just affirmed to me that I have zero interest in cars because that makes no sense in my mind. I know mechanically it does to someone, but yeah, that was probably the grandest file that or experience, I should say the negative ADHD experience that I've had, that the potential consequences someone's stealing my car. And like, I would not have known, I kept thinking that if someone had stolen my car, I would have just walked out and not been able to find my car. But then I also don't know what I would have done. Like, do you ring the police? Do you go inside to Westfield? Like, do I really, am I thinking at that point, someone's actually stolen my car? Because more weird and wonderful things have happened in my life. So I'm not sure that that would be my first go to. So I've brought along with it a whole lot of stuff that I'd never thought about. You would have just
Jane:walked around for a long time. You would have just walked around going, well, where is it? It's, I mean, it's Westfield. I've clearly, I thought I parked it on level three. I, I haven't. You're probably still walking around for hours trying to find it. I mean, I've done that, like. Especially before iPhones. You didn't have a piece of paper and pen to write it down. You just had to remember. Now you, you can do things like take a photo of it. You can video, you can. But before that, like, I'd never know where I was. But iPhones have made that a little bit better.
Shantelle:Yeah, and the tiles, because you can get a tile sticker and just put it on the inside of your car. They're another thing I think you should get when you get your diagnosis.
Jane:I didn't even know you could do that and I actually just came back from a specialist appointment, the one that I always run late to. I was actually there 20 minutes early because you're never there at the time. And I still went through the wrong lift. I think that's my third time there and then came back out and then went down to the wrong level, walked around and thought, jeez, I thought I parked here. I'm still doing this. And then I was on the wrong level. Right. I mean, that's just, but I suppose that was fine because I was by myself. But if you do that with two kids, neurodiverse or a baby, like that can be out there.
Shantelle:Or you have a time critical appointment. One for me.
Jane:Oh, totally, totally. And you, you've had everything lined up a hundred percent correctly you've planned. And then you do something silly, Chantelle, like leave your car running the whole time. That's a good one. I'm surprised it didn't get stolen. And also you can see how people leave their kids in the back of the car, right? Like, and they forget to drop them off if they're asleep or reverse facing, you can see it. Anyway, one from me, which is gonna be controversial because it is not a mum fail, and we are about to get into the why and we're about to talk about cumulative stress and how that impacts. So I'm gonna talk about something I did when I was 21, which is going to really disprove what we are about to say, which is funny. But anyway, I've chaired a lot of my mum fails over the time of this podcast. I wanted to share a new one, not an old one. So when I was 21, a lot of people don't know this about me. I was a flight attendant and me being me. Didn't want to just work for Qantas or Virgin because I lived in Hobart and I had quite a sheltered upbringing I thought I'm just gonna move internationally and go international straight up because that's what people do Which was a completely bizarre thing to do because I was actually living at home and I was quite reliant on my parents for most things so that was very silly decision back in the day, but it was very impulsive and my neurodiverse themselves So that was a lovely idea, which Might have not been the best decision. Anyway, arrived there, it was a baptism of fire to, because there was no real internet there either. So, I mean, sorry, back then. So when I was 21, there wasn't a lot of internet. So there wasn't the accessibility of information. So a lot of the things that you figure out when you move somewhere, you would know in advance now. But back then that, that didn't happen. So there was lots of things which I won't go into with culture that I made a mistake with. Oh, here's actually, you know what? This is a small side note. For example, Halal. I didn't know anything about Halal, and it's a Muslim country. So, my friends and I went to the beach all day, and we couldn't find anywhere to eat because it was Halal, and McDonald's was open. And so we went and bought all of this McDonald's food, and then after we bought it, which I think was controversial. They then told us when we were starving that we couldn't eat or drink anything in public. So then we had to go and find a disabled toilet outside, which I don't know if anyone's ever been to a public toilet in Dubai. It's like, I don't want to like name names, but there's some rougher parts of Australia. I would say it'd be one of those. Wasn't really a nice place to eat and drink. Didn't know what halal was. Really no further research into most things. Anyway, so I'm working at Emirates and I was a horrible flight attendant, let me know. My attention to detail, my care, my basic hospitality. Giving out serviettes. Asking people what they'd like, reading the menu to people, I didn't give a fuck. I think I really failed hospitality, I was woeful at it. Oh, woeful. And they were like, come this way ma'am and sir, I just couldn't be bothered. Like, I'm sorry. Anyway, I was terrible at hospitality, so much so they used to tell me, can you please remember to smile? And I was either smiling or talk, like I couldn't just, I couldn't. It was not a natural skill. My husband now sees me in food prep and hospitality is like, I don't know how you ever did that. And it was a high class airline too. So they paid a lot of money. They're expecting this thing. They were not expecting Aussie Jane throwing out some can of Cokes. And if I felt people took too long, cause I was so impatient, I just give them whatever. Anyway, so basically we were on there. We were flying from Dubai to India. I think we were flying to Calcutta and. There was a lot of people on the plane that hadn't been on a plane before, there was not a lot of English that was spoken, so there was a lot of, they really gave us a big briefing in advance about we need to be really quite leading these people because a lot of them aren't going to be speaking English, there was only one flight attendant that spoke Indian, so, or, sorry not Indian, but an Indian language, whatever the languages are, sorry, I'm sorry, I don't know what the Indian languages are, anyway, Alright. Language barrier, and we're doing food service, which was my most hated thing because I just didn't give a shit and I really struggled with detail. Like, people say to me, have you put sugar in my coffee? I don't know, that's just how I am. Even if I love and care about you deeply, and I'm not in a hurry. I just can't do it. Anyway, so we're there and we're doing the food service and they always had yellow and red. So yellow was chicken and red was beef. And then if you had a special vegetarian meal, that was all written on it. And it was like, I want to say silver or blue, different color. Wasn't many of them. Anyway, we're flying to Calcutta and I'm only a few months in on the job and I'm like, yeah, I've got food service. And they gave us the brief and I just couldn't be bothered listening because I thought, This job is so fucking boring. I'm going to lose my mind. That's not interesting at all. There's nothing more boring to me than food service, and I thought it would be really exciting with the culture, but you don't really talk to people. All you do is just hand out shit. And people treat you like crap. And it's really stinky to be honest, the planes were smelly, wherever you went, it's just, it's not a nice place. It's always people coughing and babies, I hate kids, it's controversial, I know, I don't like
undefined:children.
Shantelle:I think there'd be lots of people out there who love their own children, yeah, but they don't love other people. That's okay. I love my own children.
Jane:Yeah. And I have to build love for people. Children that I know well and kids I've known for a long time, I definitely can build love towards them. It's not a natural thing. I don't see kids at the park and want to help them get up and dust their knee off. I generally go, where's that kid's mom? I'll go grab that person. We knew that most of the people going to Calcutta were going to be vegetarian for religious reasons. I had chicken in my mind was the yellow one. They swapped it around because there was no beef option and they put the vegetables as red. Oh. So I thought. In my mind, all I have is that chicken is yellow. Chicken is yellow. Don't give out chicken, because these people are vegos. Actually, I handed out all the reds, and when we got to the end, the air hostess said, this is really weird, because we were all stressed we weren't going to have enough vegetarian. We've got heaps of them left. I don't, I don't know how this has worked. And then she pulled me up, she went white, right? The first thing was, she looked at me, and I think she was, I want to say Malaysian or Filipino, like really lovely. You know, those like really good hearted, honest people, they will just own up to it because they are so kind hearted and they feel so bad right now. If I'm honest, I was 21 and I was like, we're going to cover this shit up. That's what we're going to do. Yeah. Because I was thinking if we go, we don't have enough food on this aircraft, right? Like I remember, I did remember that we didn't have enough food and they were saying, crew, you have to eat at the end. We might not have enough. There's some bread over here. You might eat that. There wasn't going to be enough food. And I thought we've opened all them. They've already started. We're going like cover it up. Yeah. And I just said to her, it was just complete confidence. And she was more of a subservient confident personality. Don't worry, it's all good. We've got it handled. I knew what I was doing. It's not a big deal. She looked at me, knew, and I think she thought I'm not going to cross her. I'm just going to leave it. And so I was like, look, we've done this. We can't undo this at this point. We don't have enough food. I'm going to be in so much trouble. Um, if I could, if I was doing it now, I would handle this situation differently. Okay. I didn't. So basically we covered it up or I covered it up. And the part that got me in trouble was that when we kept walking through my section, these Indian people in very broken English kept saying, What is that food? So good. So good. Is that tofu? They didn't know what it was. And they kept asking the purser and everybody in charge, what was that food? Because they liked it and they'd never had it before. It was very bad, very, very, very bad.
Shantelle:So
Jane:yeah, they broke their, um, religious pact or whatever it was that day. I didn't feel the need to let them know. I just thought why they're enjoying it. It's happened. They don't know, the chicken's already dead, it's cooked, what, like, what can we do? Anyway, um, so that is a good one, but that is Pre Kids. Wow,
Shantelle:I love that they loved it though, like, it's so annoying for you because if they didn't enjoy it, they wouldn't have eaten it, no one would have cared, but they actually loved it. And I kept telling
Jane:people and wanting to know what the ingredients and the recipes were and I was dying inside. Actually, on this note, right, I've done so many cooking fails. I'm just going to share another one while we're running. So, I had this ex partner and he's, I hope he never, oh, he's not going to listen to this. He was Italian and he had the most beautiful Italian family, right, like really into cooking. Lovely people. And his mum loved me, like loved me. And my parents were not, my mum was not great at cooking, I was not a great cook. I had undiagnosed ADHD, so I'd take the quick way forward all the time. She'd always cook for me, and she had this whole thing around women are in the kitchen, and so anyway, I was only young, I was probably 18, 19, and I thought I'll, I'll cook her some biscuits. I think she wasn't feeling well or something happened. So anyway, I cooked her these biscuits. Now if you go through the packet biscuit aisle, you will see Dream Cookies. This is White Chocolate Dream Cookies. This was when they came out. Right. So this is a long time ago. I was probably 18, 19. Right. I came out brand new, bought the packet, made them, and I've made them. I've handed them out. And she loved them. And she said to me, I love those cookies so much. Do you think you can make another batch when I have my friends come around for this book club or whatever they were doing? I felt so like, Yes, of course, right? Um,
Shantelle:on it. Yes. You can have more food.
Jane:This is bad but I can't be sharing this. So I cook them again and I bring them back the next time and I'm like really chuffed with myself, right? Like, look at me, perfect daughter in law. I was pretty into him and I kind of thought we're going to get married. First love. Anyway, so I'm there and I'm starting to hand her out these cookies and my mother in law, not mother in law, but dating mother in law said to me, announced it to everybody. So, Jane has made these cookies and she goes to church because I was Catholic and she's friends with Father Chris and she was just raving about me right and I'm just there like swatting around like I felt
Shantelle:so good about myself. Check
Jane:my, yeah. And this, this other mother, the friend. Check my my cookies out said oh just wondering does this have nuts in it now I don't fucking know if I've got nuts in it And I I don't know can I admit to my to anybody here that I make packet biscuits Can I so what do I say? No, no nuts. No nuts Do you think there was nuts in there, Chantel?
Shantelle:I'm gonna go with a definite yes. All of the nuts.
Jane:Did she go to hospital? Yes, she did. Did I ever admit to it? No. No, I did not. It's
Shantelle:like the shame is so The associated shame is so enormous that it is not worth the consequence. So In some crazy way, it was like, you knew that when she was in hospital, she was getting treatment. So then what was the, like, the shame would have been systemic and like them outwardly out there. And then everybody's got a perception of you because of that. So if she's in hospital and getting treatment, then that's okay. That is better than having to live through that shame and that admission. Isn't it crazy? I'm going to.
Jane:Oh, look, I'm going to make two excuses for myself. First one, both examples, I was very young. The second one, if I could reflect back, and I even remember after she ate it, I thought, I bloody wish she had have said to me, I might have one of those later. Does it have nuts in it? The problem was, was she had it in her hand. She had it partway to her mouth. And it was so quick, I don't want to make
Shantelle:excuses, but I would have actually, especially
Jane:when you're young, I would have just gone, taken a breath, probably gone to the bathroom and thought, I actually am going to have to admit to this and I would have come back out. The fact that it was so on the spot, I honestly froze and just went, no, no, no, it doesn't make sense. I can't believe I did that now.
Shantelle:That is like horrible. And almost like you respond, and again because you're young, you respond with what you think they want to hear, even though what they want to hear is yes or no, but because she was right there with the biscuit, like there's the time pressure and there's the stress, and like, oh then she's going to miss out. Oh, all of that. You poor thing.
Jane:Anyway, it was one of the good ones. Well, I'm sure that there's lots of others out there. So there's some doozies. Yes, there are. Okay, so, I'm, I also want to point out, as I said to Chantel, I am insanely disorganized for this episode. And I'm also, this, I really sound like a blamer in this episode because I put out on the stories a number of times and I did get some responses that I did prepare. However, the doozies that I got were all pretty much last night. So I woke up this morning with all these DMs going, yeah, I know you're going to do this episode with Chantel. I just thought I'd let this one. And I'm like reading it going, where was this last week when I was doing preparation? Because now I can't unsee
Shantelle:this. The urgency wasn't there for anybody else in the community. So maybe what you need to do is just push the dates back one week or forward one week. So last week, I've said that that was, we were recording on
Jane:Friday. Oh yeah. And you know what though, you get caught doing that because I do that with my husband and I always say to him, we have to be there at nine o'clock, like, and I make it life or death and it's actually quarter past. But if I forget and I tell him the other time he assumes he's got 15 minutes on it and he doesn't and then it's like the boy that called wolf he doesn't believe me anymore what the times are. Anyway, so the reasons why the mum experience has happened, Chantel and I were talking offline. I'm going to throw, actually I'm going to throw to you Chantel because I've done a lot of the talking. Yeah,
Shantelle:sure. So in my personal experience and somewhat to a degree in my professional experience as well, I have experienced the level of negative experiences increases when there is a significant amount of stress. For a prolonged period of time. So that's that cumulative stress. So what is actually going on? And when I have not implemented those things that give me brain space, and that is not necessarily physical time. So that can be tricky for me to navigate. Definitely experience more positive things that happen because of my neurodivergence when the cumulative stress is not there and it's just general life every day to day as a neurodivergent, because they are 2 very different things, but that that cumulative stress. Cumulative stress definitely creates more negative experiences, and when I think back now to that day where I left my car running, there was some big stuff going on. Family, kids, new school, this year we've moved to a new area, like I was saying with the Westfields, so we're, I wasn't even just up against where do I park my car, it's that I don't actually have the information of how long does it get me to get to this place, so even small things like that. That is what builds up into that cumulative stress and you leave your car running for four hours. So managing the stress is so critical for me in then having more positive experiences of my neurodivergence. And they, they are definitely there as well. There might be. Something that my brain has deemed not important that somebody else wants that night, but I'll be like, nah, I'm going to do my skincare routine. Cause I can manage the fallout of not doing that. So that five minutes is actually so much more valuable for me. And I'm okay with dealing with that fallout because I'm not bothered. It's a matter of process. It's easy. It's fine. I'm okay with that. So there's those positive things to all my children had their friends over for a sleepover on Friday night, and it was nine o'clock. I was already in my pajamas. They're in their pajamas. I was like, when I get in the car and go to Maccas and get a McFlurry because they're sort of having to. Organize dessert, clean up from dessert. All of that was too much. I didn't have that amount of energy. And they just thought it was the best thing ever. And I really enjoyed it too. So, there's definitely more of those positive experiences when that happens. Cumulative stress is not there, and I do think there's all the science behind it, but. Those things happen and those brain farts in advertent commas happen because we're having to put so much energy into particular situations or certain things are taking so much of our energy that the actual process that we need to go through to not leave our car running is too, too hard.
Jane:Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. And I think that's where a lot of us end up getting diagnosed because. The amount of things that you have to do just keep layering and layering and layering and then your little legs Underneath the water if you're the swan or the duck on top Just keep going harder and harder and harder and harder and then you end up with depression stress anxiety You end up at GP Psychologist and if you're lucky someone might recognize it then or you get diagnosed and then it's thrust upon you with let's say For example, all of your kids therapy appointments and you've got that as well And then you get more and more and more stressed, and for me, the more stressed I am, the more chaos I create. So it's like, there's so much going on. I don't want to do any of those fires. So I'm just going to go create some more that I like the look of, and then I'll do those ones. And that's exactly where some of this stuff has come from. Yes. I know what you're saying. Like for you to leave your car on for four hours, geez, you must have been fucking sidetracked somewhere else in your brain. There was so many other things, because if you were present in that moment. Yeah, you wouldn't have, you wouldn't have done that. Anyway, let's read out some of the mum fails. So not fails, experiences. So I'm going to read out a couple of small ones and I reckon, you know what, Chantel, let's play a game. How about I read you out some small ones and you have to say yes or no, if you've done it or not. Okay. And Chantel's like, I did not sign up for this chain, but okay.
Shantelle:I'm so excited. I'm also, I'm just going to throw this out there. I reckon I would have done most likely all of them.
Jane:Yeah, I've actually done a lot of these to be honest. I'm going to read out some of the small ones and then I'll read out some of the longer ones later. So I threw it out on the stories and we just got a heap of responses. So we had a lot of people that said ordering lunch orders through the online system, but then not actually doing it and getting called multiple times through the week. To go and bring my kids lunch. Yeah.
Shantelle:Yes. Yeah. Chantel's nodding. That's a definite yes. From me. Yep. Or I order it two weeks in advance because like, look at me, go being organized. And then on the third week, I think I already did it so I don't order it. And then I get the call, yeah.
Jane:Mate, Chantelle, that's how I reckon it happens. There's a surprising amount of people that wrote the same one here. Forgot to put handbrake on car. Rolled down the hill with kids inside. Thank God no one was hurt. There's a lot of people that did that, and I've done that too.
Shantelle:Do you know what, this is crazy, I don't know how this has happened. I have never done that, but I equally, I have left my car running for four hours. So I'm not sitting over here thinking, wow, look at me go having not put my handbrake on. But yeah, interesting that so many people have done it. There's a lot of
Jane:handbrake stories and then also a lot of kids birthday party stories. So forgot the day, didn't get the invite, forgot to RSVP. My personal favorite was from Anna, obviously we won't say last names. She arrived a week early with her kid, dropped her child off with a present, kicked them out of the car, basically said, go up to the door. The kid went up to the door. She left, the child was six, right? She got a call. Thank God they were home. She got a call from this, for the birthday party, the mum, who wasn't actually the party day. And said, Hi, I've got your child, Samantha, let's say, here. Can you come back and get her? This isn't convenient.
Shantelle:This isn't convenient. I love it. Oh, Anna. Oh, Anna. That, that's fabulous. That is fabulous. I'm just, I read that,
Jane:I read that one. I actually couldn't sleep because I just felt it was just
Shantelle:so funny. Can you imagine being that other parent? Like, what do you say? It's not just about enjoying your life. Hello. Like, what? Wow. Oh, Anna. I love that. And
Jane:it's like, what if they weren't home?
Shantelle:Wow. Yeah. What if they weren't home? Okay. So here's the thing, and we've spoken about this before, but I feel like I have to mention this now. There are the Darwin Awards, Harley Breen has an amazing podcast and they have the Golden Knob Awards. And I feel like we need a name for this because whatever that award is, Anna. You have just won that. That's yours, but we don't have a name for it. Mate, there's
Jane:better ones coming, Chantel.
Shantelle:Oh, I'm excited. I feel like Can the people submit some names? I think that, that would be great. I
Jane:think we should, I think we should do a poll at the end of this episode and put what is the name of the award? Yeah, like we should do one once a month because yes, there's a couple of crackers coming up. Oh Okay, here we go Dropped my child at school. Thought it was the first day after school holidays. It was actually still for school holidays, and I dropped them in a full uniform, the drop off, and left. It didn't occur to me to wonder why there was no one there. I do like that one.
Shantelle:I've been that child. Have
Jane:you been that
Shantelle:child? I've been that child. I haven't done that as a mum, but I've been that child.
Jane:What about this one? There's so many people. There's just like heaps. It's probably one of the most common. People that said, we go to swimming lessons every week. Not once have I remembered. All of my children's swimming caps, bathers,
Shantelle:towels. Mate, I reckon I have spent so much money on goggles in the last 10 years, it's ridiculous. Because if I can ever find a pair of goggles when they need them. We just went through this with both of my kids doing an intensive swimming week at school. And I had to go out and buy new bathers, new rashi, new swim caps, new goggles. Because like, it's 12, Millie's 12 now. And yeah, I've still I still don't have a handle on that. This other
Jane:mum, I actually, I don't know why I like this one. This, this mum, Kate, says here, I forgot my son was at prep and I thought he was at daycare. So it must have been the start of the school year. So I just picked him up at 5pm. So she arrived at school, she was supposed to be there at like 3 o'clock, 2. 30. She just, she just thought it was daycare and just got there at 5 o'clock. Oh
Shantelle:Kate, bless you. If only school hours was daycare hours. Wow, we'd get a lot more done. But, oh, oh.
Jane:This one here, this is actually another Kate, and Kate listens to this. She's actually a friend of mine. I fucking love Kate. Kate said, I don't know if Kate has ADHD. I think she might. We, we love each other. So she probably does. Kate sent me a message and she said, and I know her son, she said, I told my ASD child, he is five or six. that he was fine because he doesn't display pain symptoms like everyone else and I was sidetracked. By the time I took him to ER, he'd been complaining his foot was sore for three days, his foot was black and totally broken. Child Protective was called. Oh,
Shantelle:great. Bless you. I know, Kate. She's awesome. To go through the CPI orders. But my daughter did have a broken an eye because she displays pain. Evidently very similar to Kate's. Sun, and so I said, ice pack, have some Panadol, have a lay on the couch, and the mum instinct, this was interesting because my logical brain was like, pain, medication, ice pack, rest, you'll be good. But the mum instinct in me was like, hmm, not sure. And still, even when the doctor opened the doors, she opened the doors and she said, Millie, you have, Received your first broken bone welcome to the club. I was still not convinced. I was like, shit, like actually, so Kate, I feel you just minus the child protection. Oh my God. Yeah.
Jane:This one here, I got a little bit confused with the story. I'm pretty sure what she's saying is that her daughter was supposed to start prep the next day and she'd taken her daughter to the playground and it sounds like her daughter was on one end of the seesaw. And she sat down on one end, but didn't realize the weight imbalance. Maybe she just wasn't paying attention. Her daughter has shot off and actually broken her jaw. The day before prep.
Shantelle:Oh. I'm almost so devastated for the mum, because that prep day, like, there's so much of, like, work you have to do on yourself, of like, first day of prep, your child's on their way with you, all of that, and then straight into the chaos. That is worst case.
Jane:There is another handbrake one here, and this woman here says, I forgot to put the handbrake in park. I parked in the shopping center, but I left it on drive and I actually ran into the post office. You
Shantelle:know why I like that one so much? Oh my gosh, I feel like. And sometimes that may be the only way to get the line moving in the post office.
Jane:There is another one here from someone who I have had as a guest on this show. I won't name names, but she is a good, good laugh. She probably wouldn't mind, but I'm not, I'm not going to do it just in case. So basically she wrote me a bit of a long story. It's pretty funny, but I won't read the whole thing out, but basically someone in Bunnings cut her off and she probably had PMS. And she got pretty angry, and anyway, she got out of the car, she's obviously flown off the handle. She's impulsively gotten out of the car, and with her two year old in the backseat, she got out and started yelling abuse at the guy that cut her off in the Bunnings car park. She got into a full blown argument with this random guy. The Bunnings staff came out to break up the argument, it must have been pretty intense. Then as it's ending, she looks over. And someone walking over to check on her was actually the wife of one of her husband's new employees in their business that they own. And they saw her fly off her handle in front of her own child. And I don't think she was planning on anyone that she knew singing that.
Shantelle:I like that one. I mean, eww. Oh. I like that. But I feel so deeply for her because that, like, in that moment, all of those feelings were so real. But then to look over and see them would be just like, total devastation straight away. Okay,
Jane:this one here is a funny one. This woman wrote in, this is from Kathy. She said that I threw my husband a surprise 40th. It was incredible. It was one of the best nights. At the end of it, he took me aside to let me know. That he was actually 39. Oh!
Shantelle:Oh! Wow! Why did no one tell her? I was going to say, was everybody else confused as well? Because they probably thought, surely she's all over this. So they're all second guessing themselves. Oh my God. They clearly didn't have family there. Like who, what,
Jane:did everyone just let her do it? Like some of these ones I just want to write back. Like, can you tell me more? Cause I don't
Shantelle:get it. Oh, I think they need to just send in a voice clip that tells us what happened. Tell us more. I've got a couple of really good ones to finish up with. It's just, I wrote down a couple on
Jane:notes because they're just so funny. These are the ones that were like sent in, I couldn't prepare because it just came in overnight. It says here, I accidentally sent my husband's lunch, so she must make her husband's lunch. Power to you lady. I accidentally sent my husband's lunch. Into daycare instead of, so she swapped the daycare lunchbox with her husband's lunchbox. Oh. And she sent in like peanut butter or whatever it was to an anaphylactic nut child allergy daycare.
Shantelle:At least it wasn't like a sexy love note. Dangerous. Yeah, it is dangerous. Yeah, it is. I do feel like you'd still be more embarrassed if it was sex in that note though.
Jane:Oh, totally. Oh, no, you would be. Although the daycare workers are pretty cool these days. I have one from my bestie who she didn't send in, but I'm going to dob her in. Jade, you know who you are. Jade actually put two tampons in accidentally. So she put one in, she forgot it was in there, she put a second one in, took the other one out, continued to insert more and then lost one inside herself.
Shantelle:Jade. Bad. I feel for you. Wow.
Jane:That may be expressing into this sink hand lady that we spoke about earlier. This one here is out there. I want you to get ready. Shouldn't tell. This one's a ride.
Shantelle:Okay, I'm buckling up. Let's go.
Jane:This woman we're going to, we are gonna name her Rebecca. Rebecca arrived home. She had a newborn baby and she really needed to go to the toilet. It was a number two. She couldn't find her car keys. And she didn't know what to do. She looked and looked. Her baby was crying. She went out to her back garden. She dug a hole and she did a poo in the garden. And she covered it up in front of her toddler or baby.
Shantelle:And then
Jane:as she was coming, figuring out how to wipe, she realized that her car keys had been in her bra the whole
Shantelle:time. Oh, Rebecca! See, this is why people should get a child. Um, this one here, this one here, Chantel, this is just a good one. Okay, get ready. This is every woman.
Jane:This woman here, her name is Brooke. She didn't want her daughter to get a particular teacher. One year, very hardcore, did not want it. Send in a note to the principal. And said, I do not want Mrs. Smith. Mrs. Smith. Do not give me Mrs. Smith. She got eight weeks in to the school year and realized that the teacher that her daughter had was horrific. And she was very unhappy. She went in to complain with a list of problems for Mrs. Smith. The principal said, you requested Mrs. Smith. In this very aggressive email to me, I've just given you what you've asked for. No, you can't move classes. She denied it, and denied it, and denied it, and he pulled up the email and showed her. And she's obviously gotten confused with not wanting and wanting all the names. It was completely her fault. I've got someone else who said a child came to my child's birthday party and the mum really intensely told her that she was dairy free and gave her a special cupcake. to give that child, their mum, I, um, can't remember the name, I haven't written it down, gave the dairy free cupcake to another kid that she thought looked the same, and then gave the other kid one with dairy, and then that child had diarrhoea everywhere. I
Shantelle:just feel like allergies, it's so hard for the kids, for the parents, it's so hard. It's even harder for the people who don't live it every day. So please, any parents out there, if you're thinking it's rude to deliver your child with a bag of snacks, it's not. Yes, please. And maybe a little photo on the bag as well, so we've got somewhere to check, like that would be helpful. Because far out, I've probably done that and not even known. I hope not, but maybe. I don't know. I
Jane:have got so many more. I'm going to try and wrap this up because I have to go to pick up, but I'm going to just read out a couple more doozies. We have a lady called Piper and she said that she had, I don't know what was wrong with her child, but she was on telehealth doctor. The doctor said, how, what kilogram weight is your child? She got confused with the weight, said the wrong weight, he prescribed a medication at the wrong level. She had to take her child to the ER because there was some reaction and then she showed them and said no, I gave exactly what was on the bottle, right? Defended it, couldn't figure out what's happening. They start, they talked about investigating the telehealth doctor because they were so angered by the proof that was the prescription and she had to say actually I actually got the numbers mixed up and it was completely my fault. Oh.
Shantelle:That there is embarrassing. Wow. And so catastrophic, like imagine if those nurses or people there didn't do the due diligence and just took it at its face value. That would be like the right of reporting is that process, but far out. Wow. Yeah, that's crazy. Good one. I'm going to do
Jane:four more quick ones, but know that there's many more. I have Shelly. She said she locked her kids inside the car, and then she's obviously locked her keys inside somehow. She said I did it twice. It was summer in Queensland, and the same RACQ guy came. I know
Shantelle:mine on a personal basis, so far out. No bloody judgment there from me. I hear ya. I just looked at that, I was like,
Jane:that's a good one. Also multiple people said, I changed to a diesel car and I put petrol in. I had a diesel car, I changed to petrol or I was driving my husband's car. Diesel petrol seems to be a common theme. Although one person said they drove off with the handle of the petrol still in their car, which was a good one clue. Two of my favorites that are just cool and they're just fucking awesome. This said here, waited a year for a pediatrician appointment. Took the wrong kid there.
Shantelle:Oh, yeah. And anyone else is like, if you got that wrong, then you're like, I know. It's like, I just, I knew.
Jane:And then, so she's arrived. Imagine being at the pediatrician for a year, and they call out your kid's name and be like, Oh, I've got the wrong one.
Shantelle:I think if they
Jane:were the same gender, I'd probably say just pretend to the other
Shantelle:one. Right? Seriously? Because it doesn't matter. That's the pivot that you need to make if they were the same gender. Oh, far out. Anyway, the last one. I love so many more of these. There's so
Jane:many. This is the last one. This is a simple one, but I just love it. It said, made an appointment to the vet, didn't take the dog.
Shantelle:So she's arrived to the vet and they've gone, where's your dog and she's gone, it's at home. I feel like, like, I, I feel like I've almost been there, like I think I have realized before I've left the house and that's why I'm like, well, it's really funny, but so relatable. I think I've nearly done that. We're such capable human beings, and this is the bit that is so related to cumulative stress. There are so many amazing things that I do in my life, but equally I can leave my car running for four hours or not take my dog with me. Oh my God.
Jane:But like, I mean, there's so much brain power with like remembering all the days and the Halloween and the white t shirt and everything you've got to remember. It's like. But not, not everything can
Shantelle:stick and there's just, no, um, the dog, the appointment, she was at the appointment, probably on time, high five, just no dog. She's probably,
Jane:it's like you, when you said, Oh, I arrived to the shopping center and I had all of my prep and I had done all of my thing. And then it was like, but I left the car running for hours.
Shantelle:Like four solid hours. Yeah, this has to be a regular event because there, I think there's just going to be so many that just, yeah, keep bringing the goods.
Jane:Next time what I'm going to do is I'm going to tell everybody I interviewed the week before and then I'm going to grab them all and then I'm going to send them to you and we can read one each but the, uh, yeah, they blew me away to be honest, like the funniness. And I think it's all about this podcast about being relative to other people and being relatable and no one talks about it or not many people do. But it's really normal and so many people were writing the same stories.
Shantelle:I think that's so important for people to know that this is a massive thing for them. But there's 57 other people out there also leaving their handbrakes on. So if anyone has left their car running for four hours and they get to go to the shops, I'd love to hear from you.
Jane:Absolutely, so continue to write them in because we will catch up and read some more. Thank you so much for your time Chantelle. It's always a pleasure.
Shantelle:It has been so wonderful as always.
Jane:That has to be one of my favorite. This is the first time we've done this episode, so please send me a DM if you thought it was funny as well or whether Chantal and I were just laughing on our own. Leave me a review and give me a five star on Spotify if you feel the vibe. If you'd like us to come back and do another one, let me know. Other than that, thank you so much time for your, thank you so much for your time, Chantel, is what I meant to say, and we will finish this up,
Shantelle:I think. Thanks so much, Jane.
