Need this in podcast form? I’ve got you → I Just Want to Feel Seen’: Why Mother’s Day Feels Like a Logistics Shift with Cake
If you’ve ever bought your own gift, picked the restaurant, and then been told to ‘just enjoy the day’ — this one’s for you.
Mother’s Day is pitched as a celebration. What it actually feels like — for a lot of ADHD mums — is emotional labour wrapped in ribbon.
It’s a day we’re supposed to feel appreciated, but end up managing everyone else’s emotions about how appreciated we’re supposed to feel.
We book the table. We wrap the gifts for our own mothers. We remind the partner. We smile for the photo. All while the dishwasher’s still full and no one knows where the sunscreen is.
This isn’t about being ungrateful. It’s about being exhausted.
Why you can’t ‘just relax’ when you’re still doing everything
You know the drill. It’s Mother’s Day. You’re told to ‘relax’. But you’re still doing what you always do:
- Cleaning up breakfast messes
- Managing meltdowns
- Diffusing tension between the grandparents and the cousins
And when the resentment bubbles up? Here comes the guilt.
If this is the day you’re meant to feel special, why are you biting your tongue so hard it bleeds?
Because ADHD + motherhood + performative gratitude = rage cocktail.
Podcast Moment
This blog expands on the blog Mum Rage Part 1: You’re Not a Monster, You’re Cooked
Listen to the podcast episode while rage-folding laundry or hiding in the car.
I Love My Family… But I’m So F**king Angry (Mum Rage Part 1)
Listen to Spotify | Apple Podcast
Why rage comes before rest (and guilt follows both)
ADHD brains are more emotionally reactive. Our frustration tolerance is lower, especially under fatigue or sensory stress. And social norms often position mums as ‘the calm centre’. So when we crack — even for a second — we feel shame before the rage has even landed.
It’s also about the invisibility of planning. ADHD brains often operate in anticipatory overdrive — scanning for what’s missing, what needs doing, what will fall through the cracks if we don’t catch it.
And that means Mother’s Day doesn’t feel like a break — it feels like a risk assessment with cake.
If no one told you this week:
You’re not the problem.
You’re the project manager of a household pretending this day is for you.
And that tension you feel? That’s the truth knocking.
When Mother’s Day feels like grief
There’s a version of Mother’s Day that gets sold everywhere: brunches, candles, happy family group chats.
But if you’re mothering through grief, estrangement, loss, or invisibility — this day can feel like a punch to the throat.
Maybe you’re grieving a child. A mother. A life you thought you’d have.
Maybe you’re parenting solo.
Maybe you’re neurodivergent and no one’s ever acknowledged what you carry.
Maybe you’re just tired of pretending this day feels good.
And here’s the deeper truth: the way we’re expected to perform joy on designated days — when our lived reality is one of chronic strain — adds another layer of emotional masking. That’s especially true for neurodivergent women, many of whom already perform wellness, calm, and gratitude daily to avoid being labelled unstable.
If this blog hit hard — the Mental Load Kit gives you the scripts, checklists, and calm-down plan to help you stop holding it all together solo.
Grab the Mental Load Kits
A Kit for The Mental Load Shift: Navigating Pushback & Making It Stick – S2 Ep 71
A Kit for Recognising & Shifting the Mental Load – S2 Ep 69
A Kit for Making the Mental Load Visible – S2 Ep 73
Keep going with these:
- Mum Rage Part 1 – The Rage No One Talks About
- Mum Rage Part 2 – Real Tools for Real Rage
- Mental Load Toolkit
- Join the ADHD Mums Facebook Group — for validation, venting, and less silence – join here
