Imagine waking up already feeling behind. The school day looms, and you’re scrambling for shoes that seem to have disappeared into thin air. Lunchboxes? Still in the dishwasher from last night. Library day? You’ll remember that when the teacher sends a reminder at pick-up. If this sounds like your typical morning, it might be time to ask if there’s something deeper going on.
For mums managing ADHD, this daily whirlwind isn’t just a phase – it’s life. The endless juggle, forgotten essentials, and sheer mental load aren’t because you’re not trying hard enough. It’s about how your brain processes the world. This isn’t a flaw – it’s a difference. And the good news? You don’t have to navigate it alone.
In this post, we’ll unpack what this experience means, explore why it often goes unnoticed, and dive into practical strategies for moving from chaos to calm. Whether you’re new to this conversation or have been grappling with these challenges for years, this is a safe space to explore, learn, and feel seen. Let’s dive in.
Listen to the full podcast episode (Is it ADHD or Motherhood?) on Apple Podcast and Spotify.
What Does ADHD Look Like in Mums?
The Hidden Struggles Behind the Smile
ADHD often hides in plain sight. For mums, it can look like a million small things going wrong all at once – forgotten school forms, missing shoes, appointments you never knew about. These aren’t failures; they’re a reflection of how ADHD influences daily life. Yet, because mums are conditioned to mask their struggles, these signs often go unnoticed or dismissed as “just mum life.”
Why This Often Goes Unnoticed
ADHD in women doesn’t always look like the stereotype. It’s not the hyperactive child disrupting the classroom; it’s the mum feeling overwhelmed by invisible demands. Women often present with inattentive traits, such as chronic disorganisation or difficulty focusing, which are less obvious but no less impactful. Or it can be sleep disturbance and cognitive hyperactivity, where the mind races all day and all night. For many, these challenges go unrecognised, leading to years of self-doubt. These women sometimes end up in long term therapy for burnout, or perhaps on anti anxiety medication or experiencing ‘treatment resistant depression.’ Contributing to this feeling overall of ‘what’s wrong with me.’
The Transformative Power of a Diagnosis
Getting a diagnosis doesn’t fix everything overnight, but it changes everything. Suddenly, there’s a name for the chaos and tools to manage it. For many mums, understanding how their brain works is the first step toward reclaiming confidence – not just as parents but as individuals.
The Mental Load of Being a Mum Navigating ADHD
Always Behind: Why the Chaos Feels Unrelenting
Picture this: you arrive at school only to realise it’s dress-up day, and your child doesn’t have a costume. You dash to the shops, only to return late, flustered, and questioning your abilities as a parent. This isn’t a one-off moment. It’s the constant juggling act that leaves you feeling perpetually behind, despite your best efforts.
Emotional Overload: When Mum and Kids Collide
Parenting brings emotions to the surface – and for mums balancing their own emotional regulation, it’s even more complex. The ripple effects of meltdowns (yours or your child’s) can leave everyone drained. Emotional dysregulation isn’t about “overreacting”; it’s about your brain struggling to process a flood of feelings.
Masking and Imposter Syndrome
So many mums mask their struggles, projecting an image of control while privately feeling like they’re failing. The perfectionism, the over-planning, the constant worry – it’s exhausting. And yet, the fear of being judged keeps them from asking for help. It’s a vicious cycle that feeds imposter syndrome.
Why Societal Expectations Make ADHD Harder for Mums
The Mental Load That’s Still Invisible
Even in households where partners share responsibilities, the mental load often defaults to mums. This includes remembering every appointment, packing every lunch, and keeping track of everything from costumes to soccer schedules. For mums, especially those navigating ADHD, this invisible labour compounds the chaos.
It’s a Family Issue, Not Just a Mum Issue
When a mum is navigating ADHD, the effects ripple through the family. This isn’t just about individual challenges – it’s about creating a system of shared responsibility and understanding. Everyone benefits when the family works together to adapt.
The Power of Community
There’s something transformative about finding people who understand. Whether it’s the ADHD Mums Facebook Group or another supportive space, connecting with others in similar situations reminds you: you’re not alone. You don’t have to mask here. You’re seen, understood, and valued.
Practical Strategies for Thriving
Self-Care Isn’t Selfish
You’ve heard the analogy before: put on your oxygen mask first. It’s true. Prioritising your own well-being isn’t indulgent – it’s necessary. Therapy, medication, or even just carving out 10 minutes for yourself can make all the difference.
Simple, ADHD-Friendly Hacks
Small adjustments can turn chaos into calm:
- Use visual aids, like charts or calendars, to track schedules.
- Set reminders for key tasks, like packing lunches or leaving the house.
- Delegate tasks wherever possible. Your partner, older kids, or even friends can help lighten the load.
- One of the only things about having ADHD that I like is that I can laugh with my children about why I walk into a room and forget why I am there (LOL). By acknowledging how hard ADHD can be can empower and normalise it for your children. (If they also have ADHD).
Tools That Make Life Easier
Resources like the ADHD Pre-Diagnosis Workbook help mums better understand their experiences and advocate for the right support. Apps like Todoist or Google Calendar can also help streamline daily routines and reduce overwhelm.
Key Takeaways
- ADHD is a difference, not a flaw, and it impacts every aspect of life.
- Focusing on your own needs benefits your entire family.
- Practical strategies and community support can transform daily challenges.
- You’re not alone in this journey, and asking for help is a strength – not a weakness.
Final Thoughts: Thriving Beyond the Chaos
Parenting isn’t about perfection – it’s about showing up, learning, and trying again. Navigating life as a mum brings challenges, but recognising and embracing your neurodivergence can unlock the tools you need to thrive. You deserve care, support, and understanding – not just from others, but from yourself.
Take a moment: What’s one small step you can take today to lighten the load? Whether it’s joining a support group, downloading a resource, or simply giving yourself grace, every action matters. Remember, you’re not in this alone. Together, we can redefine what thriving looks like.
Related Podcast Episodes:
S01E 35: Do You Have ADHD or Is This Mum Life?
S01E38: My Diagnosis Journey with Jasmine Meek (Part 1)
S01E45: The Untold Struggles of Motherhood (Part 1)
S01E64: The Untold Struggles of Motherhood (Part 2) with Kaitlyn Faulkner
Listen to the Full Episode
Apple Podcast: HERE
Spotify: HERE
