Friendships are tough for many kids, but for our neurodivergent children, navigating social dynamics can feel like a maze. As parents, we want to support our kids in making meaningful connections while honouring their unique needs.
That’s why I sat down with the incredible Bec Sparrow, Australia’s Friendship Whisperer, to unpack the real art of friendship. Bec has spent 20+ years helping parents, teens, and schools tackle the ups and downs of relationships, and her insights are nothing short of transformative.
Here’s the quick, no-fluff guide to what we talked about – because I know you don’t have time for small talk.
Listen to the full podcast episode (Supporting Neurodivergent Kids with Friendships and Boundaries with Bec Sparrow) on Apple Podcast and Spotify.
Friendship Isn’t Instinctive – It’s a Skill
For many neurodivergent kids, making friends doesn’t come naturally. That’s not a failing – it’s just a difference. Like learning to ride a bike, friendships can be broken down into steps and taught.
Start small:
- How to take turns or lose a game without becoming dysregulated.
- How to recognise when a friend doesn’t like what you are doing or is telling you to stop.
- How to problem solve if you don’t like a game your friend is playing.
Practice through role-playing at home, and celebrate your child’s progress, no matter how small.
Boundaries: Teach Them It’s Okay to Say No
Setting boundaries is critical for healthy relationships, but many kids (and adults!) struggle with it. Bec suggests using simple, non-negotiable phrases like:
- “I don’t do scary movies.”
- “I’m not okay with that.”
These statements are clear, confident, and guilt-free. They help kids communicate their needs without feeling pressured to explain or justify themselves.
Spot the Red Flags in Friendships
Not every friendship is healthy, and it’s important to teach kids how to recognise the difference. Bec shared Dr Brené Brown’s BRAVING framework, which is a brilliant tool for identifying trustworthy relationships:
- Boundaries: Do they respect your child’s limits?
- Reliability: Do they follow through on what they say?
- Accountability: Can they own their mistakes?
- Vault: Do they keep private things private?
- Integrity: Are they consistent and honest?
- Non judgment: Can your child be themselves around them?
- Generosity: Do they give the benefit of the doubt?
This framework isn’t just for kids – it’s a game-changer for adults too!
Conflict: Address It Without Drama
Conflict is inevitable, but drama is a choice. Bec’s advice? Encourage your child to address problems directly and kindly, avoiding gossip or group drama. Teach them to say:
- “I really like you, but when you said X, it hurt my feelings. Can we talk about it?”
This builds emotional resilience and teaches kids how to navigate disagreements while maintaining respect.
Broaden Their Social Circle
While some kids thrive with one close friend, others benefit from a wider network. Bec suggests encouraging friendships outside of school through hobbies, sports, or community activities. A diverse social circle can help kids build resilience and avoid the pressure of relying too heavily on one relationship.
A Final Word: Is Your Child Lonely or Just Alone?
Sometimes, as parents, we worry more about our child’s social life than they do. Bec shared a powerful reminder:
“If your child is happy being alone, that’s not a problem. If they’re lonely, that’s when we need to step in.”
Instead of projecting our expectations, we need to tune into what our kids actually need.
Want to know more about Friendships? Visit Bec’s website: https://rebeccasparrow.com/
Listen to the Full Episode
Apple Podcast: HERE
Spotify: HERE
Related Episodes:
S01E24: Relationships and ADHD with Shantelle Poynter
Listen on Apple Podcast | Listen on Spotify
S02E35: ADHD and Autistic Friendships with Prof Tony Attwood and Dr Michelle Garnett
Listen on Apple Podcast | Listen on Spotify
S02E43: ADHD and Teens: A Conversation with Maggie Dent
