Navigating the world of neurodivergence as a parent is a mix of resilience, advocacy, and love. When your child doesn’t fit the typical mould, every diagnosis, every classroom conversation, every small victory feels monumental. Yet for parents of neurodivergent girls, the road is often far more complicated – and underpinned by systemic oversights.
Let’s explore the unique challenges of diagnosing and supporting Autistic girls or with ADHD, the importance of embracing their strengths, and how you, as a parent, can make a world of difference.
Listen to the full podcast episode (What Every Mum Needs to Hear from Top Autism Expert with Prof Tony Attwood) on Apple Podcast and Spotify.
Why Girls Often Fly Under the Radar
If you’ve ever felt like something was “off” with the way your daughter is treated – or not treated – when it comes to neurodivergence, you’re not alone.
Autism and ADHD often present differently in girls than in boys. While boys might be more likely to externalise behaviours (think classroom disruptions), girls are masters of camouflaging. They often internalise their struggles, blaming themselves for difficulties, or mimicking peers to blend in socially.
As Professor Tony Attwood puts it: “Girls are exceptional observers. They learn to mask by adopting personas, but this comes at a cost – exhaustion and a fractured sense of self.”
This ability to mask often means girls are misdiagnosed, undiagnosed, or told “everything’s fine.” But deep down, you know better.
Trust Your Gut: Parents Are the Real Experts
If you’re feeling unheard by professionals, take comfort in this truth: no one knows your child like you do. Professor Attwood reminds us that parents have an “honourary PhD” in understanding their child.
Here’s how you can ensure your voice is heard during assessments:
- Document everything: Keep a diary of behaviours, meltdowns, and patterns. Include quotes, dates, and even videos where possible.
- Research diagnostic criteria: Familiarise yourself with signs of autism or ADHD so you can articulate them clearly.
- Gather input: Ask teachers, coaches, or family members to provide observations that might add to the overall picture.
These steps not only help professionals but also empower you to advocate effectively.
Reframing the Narrative: Celebrating Strengths
One of the biggest myths about neurodivergence is that it’s all about deficits. But neurodivergent kids have extraordinary strengths – creativity, empathy, resilience – that deserve just as much attention.
Take masking, for example. While it can be exhausting, it also reflects incredible social intelligence. Or consider sensory sensitivity, which often translates to remarkable attention to detail.
Professor Attwood suggests we need to focus on what’s going right, not just what’s wrong. “Autism and ADHD come with challenges, but they also come with talents – creativity, humour, kindness. These traits are just as important to acknowledge.”
Parental Burnout: Recognising and Addressing It
Let’s be honest – raising a neurodivergent child is hard work. Add in societal misunderstandings, and it’s no surprise many parents feel emotionally and physically drained.
Burnout in parents often doesn’t look like explosive meltdowns but quiet implosions. You power through, telling yourself it’s fine – until it’s not.
Here’s how to recharge:
- Delegate and prioritise self-care: Ask for help with household chores or childcare to carve out breathing space.
- Create a personal sanctuary: Whether it’s a corner for journaling or a soundproof room to scream it out, make space for release.
- Connect with others: Join online or local support groups to find community and share experiences.
And most importantly? Give yourself grace. As Professor Attwood says, “Taking care of yourself is taking care of your child.”
Key Takeaways to Empower Your Journey
- Girls mask, but that doesn’t mean they’re fine. Diagnostic tools need to evolve, but your advocacy can bridge the gap.
- Document behaviours and successes. A well-prepared parent can make all the difference in securing an accurate diagnosis.
- Celebrate strengths alongside challenges. Your child’s neurodivergence is part of who they are – highlighting their talents fosters self-esteem.
- Burnout is real, and it’s okay to ask for help. Taking care of yourself isn’t selfish; it’s essential for your family’s wellbeing.
A Final Thought: Unconditional Love is the Greatest Gift
Professor Attwood leaves us with this profound reminder: “Despite all their challenges, the one thing a neurodivergent child remembers is that their parent loved them unconditionally.”
This journey isn’t easy, but it’s one filled with purpose. By advocating for your child, celebrating their uniqueness, and showing them unconditional love, you’re shaping a world that sees them for who they truly are.
So, take a deep breath, trust yourself, and keep moving forward. You’re doing an incredible job.
Listen to the Full Episode
Apple Podcast: HERE
Spotify: HERE
Resources Mentioned:
Connect with Prof Tony on Instagram: @attwoodgarnett
Learn More About Prof Tony Attwood: Visit Attwood & Garnett Events for additional insights and resources.
Other Episode with Prof Tony Attwood:
S02E35: ADHD and Autistic Friendships with Prof Tony Attwood and Dr Michelle Garnett
