Too tired to read? → Listen to the episode instead: When Nothing Feels Safe to Eat: Parenting Through ARFID
There’s a particular kind of heartbreak that comes from seeing your child hungry – and realising there’s nothing they feel safe enough to eat.
You’ve stocked up on the foods they loved yesterday. You’ve prepped everything the “right” way. You’ve spent more than you want to admit on exact-brand crackers, yoghurt, toast, fruit – only to have them refuse it all.
It’s not just frustrating. It’s overwhelming. And when it keeps happening day after day, you start to wonder if you’re missing something important.
If that’s where you’re at, I want to tell you:
You’re not alone.
And this isn’t just picky eating.
What I Wish I’d Known Sooner About ARFID
ARFID – Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder – isn’t a behaviour problem. It’s not a phase. And it’s definitely not something you can outlast by being firm at the dinner table.
It’s a nervous system safety issue – one that can be triggered by sensory overwhelm, trauma, interoception difficulties, or just a body that experiences hunger differently.
I’ve now spent years parenting through ARFID, and I’ve learned the hard way that:
- Consistency matters more than variety
- Pressure makes it worse – even the gentle kind
- Sometimes the real win is reducing panic, not expanding the menu
And most of all? The advice that’s floating around online – the sticker charts, the “just one bite” tricks, the parenting books that frame eating as obedience – none of that is made for neurodivergent kids with ARFID.
If You’re in the Thick of It Right Now
If your child’s down to two foods.
If you’ve cried over another untouched lunchbox.
If mealtimes feel like walking a tightrope every single day…
Here’s what I want you to know:
You’re not missing a magic solution.
You’re navigating something hard and real – and you deserve tools that respect that.
In my latest episode of the ADHD Mums podcast, You’ve Tried Everything… They Still Won’t Eat, I share some of the strategies I actually use at home to manage ARFID. Not the ones that look good on paper. The ones that have kept us afloat on the hardest days.
What Helps – At Least for Us
I go into more detail in the episode, but here’s a few things that have made a real difference in our home:
- Tracking food patterns without obsessing over intake
We don’t count bites – we look at safety, shutdown, and what’s shifted. It’s not about data, it’s about understanding. - Creating soft structure without rigid rules
We’ve scrapped the idea of family meals at a set table and started building rhythm around regulation – not tradition. - Using scripts that reduce shame and pressure (for them and for me)
The way we talk about food shapes how safe they feel around it. The same goes for how I talk to myself when something gets refused.
ARFID Isn’t Just Picky Eating Kit
I created the ARFID Isn’t Just Picky Eating Kit not to “solve” it, but to give you a resource you can reach for before you’re in crisis.
It’s filled with checklists, visual tools, scripts, and reflection prompts designed to reduce your mental load – and help you build a system that works in your house.
Not one that looks good on Instagram.
Not one that depends on a calm morning or five food options.
One that meets you in the reality of: “They won’t eat again today, and I don’t know what to do.”
If This Is You, You’re Not Doing It Wrong
This blog post isn’t a step-by-step. That’s not how ARFID works.
But it is a reminder that if food refusal has become a daily stressor – you deserve real support. Not advice that makes you feel more broken.
You can listen to S2 Ep 81 – You’ve Tried Everything… They Still Won’t Eat here.
You can explore the companion kit right here.
And if you’re still in the “Is this ARFID?” stage – start with S2 Ep 78 with Margo White or S2 Ep 76 with Claire Britton.
You’re doing better than you think.
And no, you’re not the only one buying 12 nectarines “just in case.”
