If your kid seems to fall apart the second they get home from school — this one’s for you.
Because here’s the truth: the meltdown didn’t come from nowhere.
The yelling, the slamming, the instant shutdown after one harmless request? It’s not attitude. It’s not defiance. It’s nervous system burnout.
And the school day is often the trigger.
What we call ‘acting out’ is usually a stress response
Children, especially neurodivergent ones, don’t wait until 3:30pm to start being overwhelmed. They’re holding it together all day. Masking. Monitoring themselves. Trying to remember all the unspoken rules while suppressing their real reactions.
By the time they get to you? They’re spent. And the safest place to fall apart is home.
We don’t punish that. We recognise it.
School systems are not neutral
Many school systems are still built around compliance, not connection. And for ADHD or autistic kids who don’t present as ‘easy’ or ‘quiet’, that often means:
- Behaviour charts instead of emotional support
- Time-outs instead of sensory regulation
- Suspensions for what is actually distress
We don’t need more punishment. We need more curiosity.
Behaviour is communication
If your child is melting down over nothing, refusing to enter the classroom, or constantly getting detentions for the same thing — it’s not about the behaviour. It’s about the need.
And if the same kids keep getting excluded, punished, and pushed out? That’s not a kid problem. That’s a system problem.
Podcast moment
This blog is based on Season 3, Episode 5: Your Child Isn’t Acting Out — They’re Burning Out
Listen on Spotify | Listen on Apple
What parents need to know (and be armed with)
- You don’t have to accept punishment plans dressed up as support
- Your child has a legal right to inclusion and reasonable adjustments
- You can and should document decisions, suspensions, and patterns
- You are allowed to say: this is not working — and ask for change
What helps instead
- Building teacher relationships early
- Offering insights about your child’s specific regulation needs
- Using plain, factual language when advocating
- Linking back to legislation and disability standards
It’s not about blaming teachers. It’s about building systems that actually work for the kids who need them most.
And if you’re feeling burnt out too?
You’re not overreacting. You’re responding to a system that keeps asking you to play nice while watching your child get punished for things they can’t control.
This isn’t a lack of discipline. It’s a lack of understanding.
You’re not the problem. And neither is your child.
