No one warned us that rage could feel like this.

We survived pregnancy. We survived breastfeeding. We crawled through sleepless nights and endless school emails. And just when you think you might finally get a moment to breathe? Perimenopause slams into you like a brick — except the brick’s on fire and late for school pick-up.

When Perimenopause Hits Like a Truck

Mood swings. Rage. Anxiety. Insomnia.
Not weakness. Not drama.
It’s your biology — progesterone tanking and stress hormones stealing whatever’s left.

Most of us grew up thinking menopause was a thing that happened when you were fifty and hot flushes were the main issue. Nobody told us perimenopause often begins in your mid-30s, lasts for years, and feels like your body is betraying you while the world shrugs it off as ‘mum stress’.

And if you’re an ADHD mum? The collision of ADHD + perimenopause is brutal. It’s like juggling knives while the floor gives way. Forget ‘mood swings’ — this is biology colliding with an already sensitive nervous system.

Why ADHD + Perimenopause is a Double Crash

Let’s get blunt: ADHD brains already run on fragile levels of dopamine and serotonin. Add plummeting progesterone and fluctuating oestrogen into the mix and the result isn’t just irritation — it’s full-scale rage, anxiety, and emotional volatility that can make you feel like a stranger in your own skin.

Perimenopause isn’t just hormones quietly declining in the background. It’s a biological crash colliding with a lifetime of chronic stress. Many neurodivergent women enter perimenopause already depleted — from pregnancies, years of stress, masking, sensory overload, or the sheer mental load of parenting. That means when hormones start their rollercoaster, there’s no buffer left.

The Dismissal Problem

Here’s the kicker: when you finally drag yourself to the GP, overwhelmed and exhausted, what do you hear?

‘It’s just anxiety.’
‘That’s motherhood.’
‘Try yoga.’

The rage, the sleepless nights, the slammed doors — they’re not taken seriously. They’re chalked up to character flaws, poor coping, or ‘stress’. Nobody tells you it’s your hormones crashing, your progesterone dropping, and your nervous system running on fumes.

It’s not weakness. It’s not bad behaviour. It’s not you ‘failing’.
It’s biology in freefall inside a system that refuses to notice.

Rage Isn’t a Character Flaw

Every meltdown. Every sleepless night. Every slammed door. That’s not a moral failing. That’s progesterone withdrawal, dopamine sensitivity, and cortisol flooding your system.

And yet — instead of naming it, the system teaches us to hide it. To swallow the rage. To blame ourselves.

But rage is information. It’s your body’s alarm system. Perimenopause rage is telling you that something is shifting biologically — and that you need support, not dismissal.

What Helps (and What Doesn’t)

Look, there isn’t a neat one-size-fits-all answer. But awareness is power. When you understand that perimenopause isn’t a personality flaw but a hormonal crash, you can stop gaslighting yourself.

Some women find relief with evidence-based options like magnesium, B vitamins, soy isoflavones, or herbs like passionflower and withania (though always check for individual fit). Others pursue integrated medical support or bioidentical hormone therapy.

What doesn’t help? Being told to ‘calm down’ while your hormones stage a riot and the system pretends it’s yoga-deficiency.

And if you’re an ADHD mum — support is even more critical. Because you’re not just dealing with perimenopause in isolation. You’re parenting, often holding the entire household together with sticky tape and sarcasm, while your biology is under siege.

Why We Need to Talk About This

Perimenopause isn’t a vibe. It’s survival. And the silence around it is killing us.

Women deserve to know what’s happening to their bodies before they’re blindsided at 37 with rage that makes them feel like a bad mother. ADHD mums deserve support that accounts for how neurodivergence collides with hormonal shifts.

So if your rage has been dismissed, know this: you’re not broken — you’re surviving a crash most people don’t even name out loud. And you deserve better support than a pat on the head.

Final Word

This blog is part of our Hormones Mini-Series on the ADHD Mums podcast. In this episode, we unpack the perimenopause crash — progesterone, stress, and the rage nobody warned us about.

Listen now on Spotify, Apple Podcast, or at adhdmums.com.au.