We talk a lot about school avoidance. But not nearly enough about what happens when school is no longer emotionally or psychologically safe for a neurodivergent child — and what that does to a parent.

This episode isn’t about the obvious moments — the ones where a child melts down in the classroom and everyone scrambles into action. It’s about the before. The missed signs. The internalised distress. The seemingly ‘fine’ days that crumble the moment your child gets home.

And it’s about what happens when you try to speak up — and get labelled the ‘difficult’ parent.

Burnout doesn’t always scream. Sometimes it just says ‘I’m tired’ — 42 times before 5pm.

In this conversation, Jane and Millie Carr unpack the quieter signs of distress that get overlooked in school settings. We’re talking about the kids who say they feel sick every morning. The ones who get stomach aches before class and headaches after it. The kids who ask to go to the toilet six times an hour because they don’t know how else to escape.

This isn’t behaviour. It’s a nervous system waving a red flag.

And too often, that flag gets ignored — or worse, punished.

The hidden harm of “just push through”

For neurodivergent children, school can feel like a daily endurance test:

• Sitting cross-legged on the floor for 40 minutes
• Completing work pitched far above or below their level
• Holding in sensory distress or social confusion
• Masking their regulation strategies to avoid attention

And if you’re the parent watching the aftermath at home — the shutdowns, the rages, the refusal to walk through those school gates — you’re not imagining it. Your child is burning out. And pushing through rarely leads to success. It leads to trauma.

You don’t need to go to war. But you do need a plan.

Jane and Millie offer practical guidance for parents navigating these moments — from how to raise concerns without being dismissed, to requesting in-school observations that focus on your child’s distress patterns (not blaming individual teachers).

You’ll learn how to:

• Identify the small signs of emotional exhaustion before they escalate
• Use soft-startup language to approach tricky conversations with school staff
• Request practical adjustments like shortened days, connection rituals, or transition jobs
• Know when it’s time to step back from a setting that is actively harming your child

And maybe most importantly: how to trust your gut, even when the school doesn’t see what you do.

Because when the system isn’t listening, your instincts are not just valid — they’re essential.

Listen to the full episode:

Season 3, Episode 19: When School Stops Being Safe
Listen on Spotify
Listen on Apple Podcast