If you’re staring at the ceiling at 3:11am, dissecting that weird thing you said in 2019, you’re not broken — you’re running on a nervous system that’s spent years in overdrive.

This isn’t just insomnia. And it’s not just anxiety.

For many neurodivergent women, 3am isn’t random. It’s the moment your brain decides to review every mistake you’ve ever made while your body misreads the quiet of night as danger.

Let’s unpack what’s actually going on here — hormonally, neurologically, and emotionally.

The 3am Wakeup Call: Not Just in Your Head

If you’ve ever woken up at the exact same time multiple nights in a row — say, 3:11am — and found yourself spiralling into shame, regret or catastrophising about tomorrow, you’re not alone.

This doesn’t just happen because you’re “bad at sleeping”.

Jane explains that for many mums — especially those who are neurodivergent or in perimenopause — the 3am panic wake-up isn’t behavioural. It’s hormonal and neurological.

Here’s what could be happening:

1. Progesterone and GABA Crashes

• In perimenopause (which can start as early as 35), progesterone doesn’t just dip — it disappears.
• Progesterone supports GABA, the neurotransmitter that tells your brain you’re safe. When it crashes, your body loses its internal “calm down” mechanism.
• The result? Even small triggers feel massive — a missed form, a cough in the night, a delayed text — and sleep becomes light, fractured, or non-existent.

2. Cortisol Spikes at Night

• Cortisol is your “get up and go” hormone. It’s meant to rise around 6–7am.
• But chronic stress (hi, motherhood) can flip that rhythm.
• Instead of rising gently in the morning, it surges at 3am — waking you with a jolt of alertness and dread, while the rest of the house sleeps peacefully.

3. The Shame Spiral Tornado

• You might start with an innocent thought: “I miss Mum.” But within seconds, it spirals into self-blame, guilt, grief, and every bad decision you’ve ever made.
• Jane calls it the “tornado”. And once you’re in it, it can take 90 minutes to come down — just in time for your kid to wake up at 5:30.

So What Can You Actually Do?

This isn’t about fixing yourself. It’s about interrupting the spiral and learning how to ride it out without shame.

Try This:

• Have a protein + fat snack before bed (boiled eggs, nut butter, protein muesli bar) to stabilise blood sugar.
• Recognise the “entrée thought” — the innocent starter that leads into the spiral — and don’t engage. Opt out early.
• Get up and do something boring like folding laundry. Not your phone. Something mundane that bores your brain back to sleep.
• Move instead of meditate — if meditation feels overstimulating, do what regulates you.

And Most Importantly:

• Label it. “This is a cortisol spike. This is not urgent.” Give your brain the context it’s missing.
• Seek medical support if you suspect hormonal imbalance — don’t let a GP fob you off with a sleep hygiene pamphlet.
• Remember: this isn’t you failing. This is your body trying to protect you after years of running on empty.

Final Words

You’re not going to be stuck waking up at 3:11am for the rest of your life. There are things that help. Clonidine, melatonin, Intuniv — they may or may not be right for you, but options exist.

You are not bad at sleeping. You are not weak. You may just be living in a body that’s carried too much for too long.

And you deserve more than tips and tricks. You deserve rest, safety, and systems that don’t treat your exhaustion like a personal flaw.

Want More Support?

Related Resource: Managing Everyday Life Kit — Tools, scripts, and structure when your nervous system is overloaded and the mental load is too heavy.

Prefer to listen? You can find this Quick Reset episode on:

• Apple Podcasts
• Spotify