This one’s for the mums who wake up with a list in their head and go to bed feeling like they still dropped the ball.

Most of us aren’t scared of the usual stuff. It’s not the dark. It’s not spiders. It’s forgetting library day — again. It’s the moment your kid gets in the car with that face, quietly telling you he was the only one who didn’t get to borrow a book.

It’s crying in the car because you missed the school disco fee. It’s the dread that comes when the school number flashes on your screen again. These aren’t abstract fears — they’re wired into our nervous systems. They’re learnt responses from years of feeling like we’re failing at something that everyone else seems to manage.

This episode unpacks the emotional load of ADHD motherhood, the fears we carry, and why they’re not irrational at all.

Why we panic about school admin

If you’ve ever panicked about a permission slip, a uniform mix-up, or forgotten a lunch box entirely — it’s not because you’re dramatic or disorganised. It’s because we’ve been conditioned to panic. We’ve had too many experiences where a small miss turned into a big consequence. And now our bodies remember.

For many of us, these fears aren’t about fragility — they’re about survival. You can be emotionally resilient and still exhausted by the sheer number of systems you have to track.

When your executive function is lagging, and your working memory is unreliable, ‘just keeping up’ takes everything. The fear of forgetting isn’t irrational — it’s protective. It’s rooted in evidence.

The 10 Fears We Don’t Say Out Loud

1. That my kids will remember me as chaotic, not kind.
   That the mess will overshadow the love.
2. That I’ll burn out before they’re teens — and miss the moments that matter.
3. That the teachers think I’m the problem.
   That they avoid me in the playground because I’m ‘too much’.
4. That I won’t bounce back from this next burnout.
   And my kids will think they caused it.
5. That my kids’ struggles are somehow my fault.
6. That I’ll miss something crucial — NDIS admin, school forms, therapy renewals — and lose access to what they need.
7. That I’ll ask for help and be told I should be coping.
8. That I can only be accepted if I mask.
   That if I showed my full self, I’d be excluded.
9. That I’m just fundamentally not enough for my kids.
10. That I won’t be around long enough.
    That my half-managed health will catch up with me, and I’ll miss their milestones because I never had space to rest.

You’re not catastrophising — this is a nervous system in survival mode

Neurodivergent mums aren’t making it up. Research shows that ADHD brains experience:

• Heightened amygdala activity, which means we register threats (especially emotional ones) more intensely.
• Reduced prefrontal cortex activation, which makes emotional down-regulation harder.
• Higher rates of anxiety and RSD, often mislabelled as ‘just stress’.
• Significantly lower parenting confidence and higher overwhelm — even when life circumstances are the same as neurotypical mums.

You’re not failing. You’re responding to a system that penalises your brain — while asking you to keep smiling.

The Myth of ‘You’re Just Like Every Mum’

Yes, all mums feel overwhelmed sometimes. But ADHD adds layers most people can’t see:

• Our brains don’t filter. Everything feels urgent.
• Shame time-travels. We don’t just remember mistakes — we relive them.
• Support systems aren’t designed for us. Booking a perinatal checkup, chasing NDIS admin, navigating school — none of it is designed for executive dysfunction.

When people say, “If it’s that hard, why did you have kids?” — they’re missing the point. The issue isn’t capacity. It’s access. The systems we parent in were never built for us.

And no — ADHD is not an excuse

Saying “I struggled because I didn’t have support or diagnosis or medication” is not an excuse. It’s an explanation. Neurodivergent people deserve accommodations, tools, and compassion — just like anyone else navigating barriers to access.

And sometimes? That fear you’re carrying deep down isn’t weakness — it’s a sign you’ve been holding too much, for too long, alone.

What to take from this

• Saying your fears out loud doesn’t make you broken. It makes you human.
• You don’t have to push harder. You just need to feel safer.
• You’re allowed to rest. You’re allowed to not be OK. You’re allowed to need help.

We’re not chaotic. We’re just doing what we can in systems that weren’t built for us — and we’re still showing up.

Related ADHD Mums Resources

• Managing Everyday Life
  Tools and support that actually work for executive dysfunction, burnout, and emotional load.
• NDIS Planning & Application Preparation Pack for Parents
  For managing funding, forms, and your own sanity in the process.
• Listen to Podcast Episode: Spotify | Apple Podcast

Want to feel seen? Want to feel less alone in this mess? This one’s for you. Share it with the ADHD mum in your life who’s holding everything together on 5% battery.

You’re not the problem. You’re just tired. And you’re allowed to say that out loud.