CONFESSIONS: I Don’t Always Like Being a Parent
Sometimes parenting feels like being pecked to death by tiny, emotionally unstable chickens.
Little bits of your energy, patience, and identity chipped away — every day.
And yes, we love our kids fiercely. But here’s something most of us are too scared to say out loud:
I don’t always like being a parent.
That doesn’t make you a bad mum. It makes you human.
The Hidden Burnout of Parenting While Neurodivergent
Many of us are parenting without enough support, running on nervous systems stuck in a constant state of emergency. Our to-do lists never end, and our own executive function challenges collide head-on with the demands of raising kids who may also need more help with daily living tasks — for far longer than their peers.
For some of us, having a child diagnosed with ADHD or autism means recognising the signs in ourselves. That realisation often comes with grief, self-reflection, and the overwhelming task of “reparenting” ourselves while parenting them. The problem? There’s no time for that work when your life is already bursting at the seams with appointments, paperwork, therapy sessions, and constant advocacy.
Joy as a Lifestyle Brand (And Why It’s a Lie)
Parenting is often sold to us as a curated “lifestyle brand” — matching outfits, smiling children, staged milestones. But for most of us, the reality looks nothing like Instagram.
If you’re following those accounts and feeling worse about your life, unfollow them. That perfect image is not your reality — and it’s not most people’s.
Neurodivergent mums often feel buried under tasks, guilt, and sensory overwhelm. Joy is there, but it’s buried too. And living at maximum capacity all the time is unsustainable — for you and for your kids.
The Science Behind Parental Burnout
Studies back up what many of us feel:
- 12.9% of parents meet clinical levels of parental burnout all the time, with mothers — especially those with perfectionism, neurodivergence, or low social support — at the highest risk.
- 8% of British parents in one survey admitted they regretted having children.
- Neurodivergent mothers experience higher rates of emotional dysregulation, executive dysfunction, sensory overwhelm, and irritability.
- In heterosexual households, women do 2.5 times more unpaid care work than men — and often feel guilty for not enjoying it.
This isn’t just about “being tired.” It’s about the chronic load on our nervous systems and the impossibility of sustaining that pace.
The Myths That Keep Us Silent
- “Parenting is a privilege” – Gratitude and burnout can coexist. You can value something and still find it exhausting.
- “You chose this” – Choice doesn’t cancel out the right to struggle. You didn’t choose every single hard detail.
- “If you love your kids, you shouldn’t complain” – Attachment is measured by showing up, not pretending you’re happy all the time.
Toxic positivity doesn’t help. Emotional honesty does — it builds resilience in our children and lets them see that feelings, even hard ones, are survivable.
Scripts for Surviving the Hard Moments
Sometimes you need to say, “I need space” — and mean it. Sometimes you’ll need a “mom hack” like pretending you have diarrhoea to buy yourself five uninterrupted minutes. The goal isn’t to lie; it’s to create whatever small break your nervous system needs to stop you tipping into yelling or collapse.
Start replacing “I should be enjoying this” with “This is hard, and I’m doing it.”
Say out loud:
- The noise is hurting me.
- I’m touched out.
- I need a break.
- I want to talk to an adult.
You’re allowed to tell the truth. You’re allowed to need help. You’re allowed to be a work in progress.
The Reset
You don’t have to perform to be worthy. You can dislike parts of parenting and still be a loving, committed mum. The goal isn’t to feel joy 24/7 — it’s to survive the load without losing yourself.
You’re doing better than you think.
Related Resources
- Managing Everyday Life — Tools, strategies, and validation for surviving the mental load of parenting while neurodivergent.
