Episode 38 – How ADHD medication revealed my Autistic traits

Jane McFadden:

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Jane McFadden:

Hello and welcome to the next episode of ADHD Mums, the podcast where we explore the realities of living as neurodivergent mothers. I’m Jane and today we’re diving into a really personal topic — how ADHD medication can sometimes unveil what’s underneath, which is autism, and my journey with medication since receiving both my ADHD and autism diagnosis.

As Tony Atwood and Michelle Garnett like to say, discovering that you are autistic as opposed to receiving an autism diagnosis. I have stopped everything that I’m doing today to do a quick episode on something that just comes up over and over in the Facebook group.

Jane McFadden:

That’s in the ADHD Mums Facebook group — the links will be in the show notes — but also in pretty much every other ADHD Facebook group ever. The same question seems to be coming up, and that is, “I love my ADHD medication,” and mothers particularly seem to talk about Vyvanse.

I take Vyvanse. So there’s lots of different types of ADHD medication. There is non-stimulant medication and there is stimulant medication. If you’d like to know more about medication, you can go onto my website. I have a medication guide there with all of the different medications and how they work, but basically for the purposes of this, I want to keep it really simple.

There is a non-stimulant and there is a stimulant medication. The stimulant medication stimulates the nervous system. The non-stimulant is still an ADHD medication, but it doesn’t stimulate your nervous system. That is actually the reason why it’s stimulant and non-stimulant medications.

So a lot of people take the stimulant medication, which is dexamphetamines, the short acting, and Vyvanse, which is long acting. Then there’s Ritalin and also Concerta, which is the long acting Ritalin version. The long acting seems to be the ones that really unveils the autism.

Jane McFadden:

Yes, that’s a very simplified version, but I’m just naming the ones that most people know. So what seems to be happening is more and more women are being diagnosed with ADHD and that is great because that had to happen, right?

So in the 1980s, ADHD became recognized as a mental disorder — and I’m air quoting mental disorder. I don’t believe it should be called a disorder, but it’s definitely a difference in your brain. Since the 1980s, which is 45 years ago, we have been diagnosing boys with ADHD. We haven’t been diagnosing many girls, have we?

I won’t go into all of that, but what I’m saying is it’s not surprising that so many women are getting diagnosed now because we’ve got to catch up from the 40 years that we were missing all of those women and girls.

Jane McFadden:

So now we have an influx, people like to say, of women with ADHD, where I would say they’ve always been there, but they’ve been overlooked. Now they’re all coming to the forefront as they should be to receive the help that they deserve, and they should have received a long time ago.

However, what I notice is that a lot of these women are in the Facebook group saying things like: I’m noticing I’m socially withdrawn, feeling depressed. I’m not socializing much. I feel really overwhelmed. I’m noticing that I’m noise sensitive, light sensitive, stressed.

I feel socially really odd. I don’t feel like myself. I feel like I’m not comfortable in my own skin. I don’t know what this is. Is anyone else having this feeling?

However, they’re also finding that the ADHD medication is really working for them. So they don’t want to come off the ADHD medication, but yet now they have these other things.

Jane McFadden:

And it’s funny, isn’t it? Because when we get medicated with ADHD and we have that moment — and a lot of us do, not everybody — where we feel like it works. We feel like the medication helps. We feel relief and excitement and we tell everybody.

But then for me anyway, after a while, I just noticed I hadn’t been creating any mom’s dinners or chaos or any of the things that I usually do. And I started to feel like — it’s hard to describe — not myself, because ADHD has always been a massive part of me.

And without that, who am I? And suddenly underneath, there was autism.

Jane McFadden:

One of the biggest issues I think here is that it’s often really hard, expensive to get back in with a psychiatrist. So you may have been discharged onto a GP that may or may not have any mental health experience.

Or you may find that you might be on a six-month review with a psychiatrist. Perhaps you didn’t gel with them. You didn’t feel like you could read a book. You don’t know what else there is. You’ve already been on antidepressants and you don’t want to do that again.

So a lot of people delay going back with their psychiatrist and actually talking to them about these feelings. You can see that because people reach into the Facebook groups. Maybe they feel safer there. Or maybe people feel like they’ve lost faith in the mental health system because they’ve been struggling with misdiagnosis all of these years.

Jane McFadden:

But it makes me wonder, are a lot of us mothers actually starting to have breakdowns everywhere behind the scenes? Because I’m just noticing more and more that women are asking the same questions and feeling stuck.

I want to share my experience with a medication that’s been a game-changer for me as well, which works in parallel to the stimulant medication. When I was first diagnosed with ADHD, I started taking the stimulant medication to help manage the symptoms of hyperactivity, impulsivity, and the constant mental chaos that came with me.

And I talk really openly about how I cried in my medication episode — which will be in the show notes — and how I cried when I first took a dexamphetamine, and how I battled the government for accessibility for Vyvanse for all of us.

We went through the shortage and I drove around and around to get access to that for myself and my children. So I love my Vyvanse. I don’t know if there’s anyone that loves Vyvanse as much as I do. It has drastically changed my life. I could not run this podcast without my Vyvanse.

Jane McFadden:

I only started running this when I had Vyvanse on board. However, as excited as I was about Vyvanse — so excited in fact that I actually started this podcast to spread the message so other people could have Vyvanse as well — I also started noticing other changes about myself that I wasn’t really fully aware of.

I’ve always been a little sensitive to light and noise, but I’ve always coped. Social situations, I’ve powered through with my ADHD-driven energy. I would often be excitable, hyperactive, probably unaware of how I came across, talked too much, talked about myself too much, told inappropriate stories probably, but had a very big, gigantic fun energy.

But I started to feel uncomfortable and exhausted. I also noticed that I started to become overwhelmed by things that didn’t seem like a big deal before. Now this is over time, right? I had a good six months where I didn’t notice anything and I felt great.

Jane McFadden:

But over this six-month period, I started to wonder whether there was something else going on because I started to feel all of these things and more. I was avoiding people at pick up. I also noticed that I wasn’t hanging out with my friends as much.

I used to go to the park with a friend always, or I wouldn’t go. The beach — I had to have music playing or a friend. And I would often really battle some really tricky situations with the kids without even thinking about it.

Like I would drive down to Brisbane, which is an hour and a half away, in the school holidays and not bat an eyelid. It would be chaos. I wouldn’t even take anything, wouldn’t pack the bag properly.

And suddenly I felt overcome with anxiety and I felt like we stayed home more than ever. And I just noticed that I felt really different. And that was when I started to notice and I wondered about being autistic.

Jane McFadden:

ADHD can often mask autism because of the hyperactivity and the impulsivity that just takes center stage. It makes it a lot harder to notice the subtle signs of autism.

When you have this big ADHD energy over the top, it was like a shield for me. I didn’t even notice I was autistic. I actually even thought about whether I was autistic when I got my ADHD medication and was like, absolutely no way.

But once the medication reduced all the ADHD traits, what I was left with was a really clear picture of my social difficulties, sensory overload and emotional overwhelm. I started to feel like I couldn’t cope, but yet what I was coping with was less and less.

So I was creating fewer problems. A very ADHD thing to do is to create another problem instead of dealing with the problem that you’ve got. I stopped doing all of that.

Jane McFadden:

So for a six-month period, all of the problems that I had been creating over the last few years gradually went away because I was medicated. So I started to actually tackle them head on and I didn’t create any more problems.

So I had less and less on, more of a simple life, which suited me and my autistic brain. But then I felt really overwhelmed and teary and too worried about things to meet up with friends.

That was when I went and sought help from a clinical psychologist that lives locally to me and she diagnosed me as autistic.

So it’s great that people are finally getting diagnosed with ADHD, but what happens when that diagnosis actually unveils autism?

Jane McFadden:

And what if, like me, you’ve already been discharged? What if it takes six months and you’ve already been discharged from the psychiatrist to the GP who doesn’t know anything about ADHD? Or you’re on a six-month review. You don’t trust the system. You’ve lost faith in the system.

You don’t have enough money. The referral has run out and you just think, is this all there is? Maybe this is as good as I get. Is this life? Am I just unhappy? Maybe this is as happy as everybody feels.

And also with the drain of appointments, right? The drain of kids and all their appointments and everything that they need, another appointment didn’t feel like anything I was going to prioritize. And I knew that antidepressants didn’t work for me, the standard SSRIs, because I’ve talked openly about some of the things that went on with me as a teenager when my parents followed the medical providers who only prescribed SSRIs.

And that actually made me very suicidal. And those particular antidepressants have been taken off the market now. I was prescribed heavier and heavier and heavier of those, and they nearly — well, they did ruin three years of my life, which I really think I have trauma from that time.

Jane McFadden:

I’ve never been so dark as what I was in that time, which makes me think it was medically induced from that medication that I was taking. So I didn’t feel like I was going to go back and take an antidepressant because I was like, well, that’s just going to make me feel worse. I’ll just have to cope.

So then you’re left wondering, am I just going to have a breakdown all the time? Is this what motherhood is? Is this what being a parent is? Is this all I have?

I can’t tell you the amount of women I’ve spoken to who asked the same question. They feel stuck. They can’t get the care that they need, and they don’t know how to move forward. It’s a huge problem, and we need to talk about it more.

Jane McFadden:

So this went on for nearly two years. I noticed it probably six to nine months in to the medication, and I also started crying in my walk-in robe, which I’d never done before.

I had had three kids under four, never been crying in my walk-in robe before. I would take them all to Australia Zoo in the school holidays. Suddenly, I’ve got three kids in kindy and school, and I can’t cope.

I’m so ashamed to admit that running this podcast, talking about how women should put their oxygen mask on first before they go and help others, I didn’t do that. I didn’t tell anyone. I just thought I’ll push through. I’ll be fine.

I didn’t even tell the clinical psychologist that diagnosed me as autistic. I just thought, oh, this is how autistic people feel. Terrible. Isn’t that awful?

Jane McFadden:

And there’s so much stigma with being autistic. I don’t think people talk about it as much. They don’t say, “I’m having these autistic traits.”

They may say, “oh, haha, it’s my ADHD.” But yet, we don’t talk about autism. We don’t talk about being autistic.

So there was not really that many people to speak to. And I also didn’t want to do that thing where everyone calls an ambulance, calls my GP, calls my husband. I started telling them how bad I really felt.

And I just started to take an absolute nosedive. I reached a point in March 2024 where I started having really dark thoughts. I started thinking it would be better if I wasn’t here.

I’m bringing everyone down around me. It was one of the lowest points in my life and I became seriously unwell. But I still didn’t prioritize to even see my psychologist.

Jane McFadden:

I let him in to see my children and did not book any appointments for myself. I’m so ashamed of myself to even admit that running this podcast, being this person — and like I had a psychologist there — I still didn’t ask them because I just thought, well, what can they do?

I eventually got to the point with my husband where it became critical. It became urgent and it became hospitalized situation.

At that point, I did speak to the psychologist who, terrible timing, was actually going overseas for a month. And I started talking about checking myself into a mental health hospital because I didn’t know what else to do.

It was definitely one of the lowest points of my life. I became really unwell before I booked an appointment with a psychiatrist. And when I did, the psychiatrist immediately prescribed a second medication and told me he couldn’t believe that I’d left it for so long.

Jane McFadden:

It was so difficult to pull myself out because I was already so far in. And it made me realize that putting yourself last as a mother or thinking that you don’t deserve help, you don’t have time, is really dangerous.

I get it because sometimes as mums, we think, I’m not important enough. I don’t have time. I don’t have the money. I don’t have the resources. Anything I use on myself will take away from my children.

But really what I’ve learned is I need to look after myself for my children. And my parenting drastically improved when I started taking care of myself.

I feel so embarrassed to be saying to everybody else to prioritize your own mental health, but yet here was I not prioritizing my own. There’s no strength in being a mother for your kids. In fact, it just doesn’t model healthy relationships or boundaries.

Jane McFadden:

Once I got myself sorted out, I noticed a real shift in my children. They were more happy, more relaxed, more connected because I wasn’t trying to hide my misery or pushing myself to the edge.

And surprise, surprise, the psychiatrist that I didn’t want to talk to because I didn’t think he knew anything — and I had all these thoughts in my mind that what was he going to do, and I’ve already tried that and it doesn’t work, and he doesn’t know anything anyway — actually prescribed me Agomelatine, which is an antidepressant that works on melatonin.

And for me, having all this stuff in my brain, preconceived ideas around SSRIs, was a real problem. And there’s been a few people who have said that they believe that SSRI medication may not work as well as an antidepressant for an autistic brain.

So I had that running, but actually there’s lots of different types of antidepressants. There’s non-stimulant medication that I could have tried.

Jane McFadden:

If you start looking up Agomelatine and you start thinking, “Oh, I might try that because Jane’s on it,” of course, make sure that you consult your own doctor. It doesn’t work for everybody.

And you may see on there that one of the side effects which put me off was weight gain. However, I honestly haven’t found that to be an issue. Agomelatine also is supposed to work somewhat as an ADHD medication as well.

So I’m not sure whether I may go off the Vyvanse eventually, or perhaps on school holidays — we’ve got a big eight-week break — I might have a break from the Vyvanse and see how I feel with just the Agomelatine on board.

I’m not sure exactly. Obviously, I’ll consult a psychiatrist about that. I won’t make my own decisions. But it’s made a really big difference to my emotional regulation and it’s a far better fit for me than SSRIs. But that’s not to say it would work for everybody.

Jane McFadden:

So the biggest takeaway here is if you’re in the Facebook groups talking about sensory overwhelm, feeling withdrawn, feeling socially really different, feeling emotional, sad, angry, and this is like a new feeling, the biggest takeaway here is to monitor your medication carefully with a doctor, with a psychiatrist, whoever your treating professional is.

If you’re prescribed stimulants for ADHD and you start noticing changes in your mood, withdrawal, sadness, sensory issues, it could be a sign of underlying autism. That’s what happened to me.

Many autistic individuals take stimulants, but most professionals recommend taking another medication to balance things out. For me, it’s been Vyvanse and Agomelatine, a combination that’s working well. For other people, it might be a non-stimulant ADHD medication.

It may be an SSRI. It may be something else. I wish there was a one quick fix.

Jane McFadden:

However, I do urge you to put yourself first and to go back and seek help if you have ADHD and you are taking a stimulant and you are only taking the stimulant and you’re finding these side effects, maybe unmasking something underneath.

For me, I didn’t feel like it improved. I actually felt like it got worse and it got worse and worse and worse. That’s how I felt.

I really cannot stress to go and seek medical help. If you’re wondering, “Do I have to be diagnosed with autism before I can take a medication?” There is no autistic medication.

People who are autistic often take antidepressants, anti-anxieties, so you don’t need to go through full autism diagnosis to get this medication.

Jane McFadden:

If you went back after getting your ADHD medication and said that you were feeling a bit sad, withdrawn, the psychiatrist may not even diagnose you as autistic. They may just put an antidepressant alongside it and monitor you.

You don’t need to be formally diagnosed as autistic. If you would like to seek an autism diagnosis, you can go and do that. Absolutely. If you feel that that’s something that’s on your path and something that you’d need to do, I’m going to be creating a resource for that and I’m hoping it’s going to be out by the end of the year.

If this is you and some of these things that I’m listing are real for you, I do have the medication e-guide on my website. I would recommend that you go and download it.

It goes through all the different medications, the types, the frequently asked question, the sensory overwhelm, the problem solving, and a lot of the different stuff. This is for yourself and for children.

Jane McFadden:

If you are having these type of questions come up, you are in the Facebook groups, I’d urge you to go grab the medication guide and of course speak to your own provider or psychiatrist.

I love the Facebook communities, but they’re not medical guidance and they don’t substitute that way. I love getting people’s opinions and I love writing stuff in the Facebook groups. I’ve always done it that way.

But it’s a little bit similar to putting a rash for your child up online and saying, “What does this look like?” Yes, it’s great to get other people’s opinions and they can show you rashes that they’ve seen and what they’ve done and that’s great, but at the end of the day, if you’re worried, you take your child to the hospital, you take them to the doctor and that’s what the message here is.

Jane McFadden:

Yes, share. Let’s share all the resources. Let’s support each other, but let’s also seek medical care when we need it because everybody is different. Everyone has a different diagnosis. Everyone has slightly different mental health concerns. We are all unique, so we all need to seek out individual care and I really hope that this broke this down for you.

Take care. Thank you for listening. The key message here is you are not alone.

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