Episode 46 – ‘Tis the Season to Overspend: ADHD Mum vs. Impulse Shopping

Jane McFadden:.

Hello and welcome to ADHD Mums. In this podcast, we tackle the tough, often unspoken realities of motherhood, neurodiversity and mental health. I can’t believe Christmas is here and the impulse shopping is like freaking me out.

I’ve had so many requests for an episode and I thought I’m going to go ahead and do it. Well actually, instead of doing anything I’m supposed to be doing, I’m going to do an episode on impulse shopping. I’m recording this on the 4th of December and this is going to come out on the 6th of December.

Public service announcement, if you do not like going to the shops, you should get online right now. So just because this is a podcast episode on impulse buying, that doesn’t mean online shopping’s bad. So if you haven’t done your Christmas shopping and you hate going to the shopping center, it’s a good time to get online around about now to make sure that you get that before Christmas.

And today we’re tackling a big topic. Are you one of those people that is friends with the delivery man, but then also hides boxes from your partner or the people that you live with? I hate to admit it, but I am one of those people. One time I remember the delivery guy actually said to me, thanks for always keeping me in business.

Like, wow. One of the reasons is because I hate shopping. I hate the shops. So anything I buy, I will buy online. And if it’s got free delivery, it just means to me, I’m like, well, I’m actually saving money because I’m not paying for petrol and going there. So impulse spending can rear its head either way.

You can be in the shopping center. You could be one of those people that puts everything in the trolley and you’re better off shopping online. For example, a supermarket delivery. I am really good because I just go on the bought before function and I just buy the same things over and over. It’s probably a bit autistic now I’m saying it, but if I’m in the shops and I’m walking up and down the aisles, I’ll see new products that have come out that I haven’t seen before, but I don’t often go there. Whereas a lot of people will say that if they go to the shops, they will only buy what’s there or what’s on their list.

But if they go online, they will go and start browsing online and they don’t have to put it in their cart physically. So they end up buying more online. So it can really look differently for everybody.

I’m going to share some of the strategies that I’ve researched or used myself, and then you can see what fits for you. So whether it’s the thing that you never knew that you needed until you saw it, or maybe it’s the sudden urge to buy an extravagant gift to show your love, the holidays can really trigger extra spending. And obviously we are spending more money because we’re buying gifts for people, we’re buying more food, we’re doing more things, we’re going on holidays, we’re on break, we’ve got our kids all the time, and some of that then creates emotional spending.

Because when you have ADHD or some other neurodiversity, impulsive spending isn’t just about seasonal. It can be a real struggle all the time. So we’re going to talk seasonal, but you can apply this all the time.

Number one, why? Why does the ADHD brain struggle with spending? The reason I’m going to go into this is because if we know why, we are more likely to be able to hit a strategy and you can figure out what actually is driving the spend and then go from there. So impulsivity. We know that the ADHD brain is wired for immediacy.

This is why in my Facebook community group I don’t put on approved posts, because if you have to wait for a moderator to approve the post, it’s boring. Often people, myself included, if there’s a function where you put a post, you’ve got a burning question, you want an immediate result, and your post has to be approved 10 hours later by an admin, I’ve moved on and dropped it into another group. We are wired for immediacy.

If it’s shiny, if it’s exciting, if it’s a limited edition, it will trigger our dopamine seeking systems, your children’s as well. So just remember if you’ve got neurodiversity right through your family and suddenly your child sees this brand new thing and then they have to have it and it’s so intense, just remember they have ADHD. We know that Christmas and New Year is a whirlwind of emotions, stress, excitement, guilt, desire to make these big memories.

These emotions though often fuel impulsive purchases and time blindness. With ADHD we underestimate how much time we have and the problem with that is that we end up with a last minute shopping stress and sometimes we overspend just to get the job done. That there I know is me.

If I haven’t got one of my kids a Christmas gift yet and it’s getting really close to Christmas and I know my budget is this, but I’m going to blow my budget because it’s available now and I know I can pick it up. I will spend the extra money because I’m so stressed about not having it, but if I had started my shopping earlier I probably would have had a better plan and I wouldn’t have been backed into that corner. Next one is social pressure.

Gifts, parties, holiday outfits. It’s easy to feel the weight of the social expectation and then we spend beyond our means to meet them. There was a study in 2021 that found that people with ADHD are significantly more likely to overspend during this time.

So if we know that our brain is wired to overspend, we really need to create a plan. And now I’m saying that I’m wondering why I didn’t do this episode in November. That may be because I also have ADHD.

However, maybe it’ll be interesting to see how many people have already done their Christmas shopping and who hasn’t because there might be a majority of people who still have not done it yet. So first step, check before you check out. That is a very, very simple sentence to help curb impulse spending.

Check before you check out. Sounds simple, but it’s hard. So basically it means pause, reflect and ask yourself, why am I buying this? Do I need it? Can I afford it? And how will I feel about this purchase tomorrow? And what would happen if my best friend or my partner was watching me right now? Would they think that I need it? That last one, my friend or my partner watching me right now, would they think that I need it? Gives me a cold shiver down my spine when I’m impulse spending.

Or think, if I open this box and my partner, best friend is watching me open this box, would they think that that was a necessary spend? Two, create a wishlist. If you’re shopping online, add the items to your cart or your wishlist, but then wait 24 hours before purchasing.

Remember, it’s the immediate action that is the thing. If you open boxes when you’re shopping online and they arrive to your house and you don’t know what’s inside because you’ve bought so much stuff, that’s a red flag. And second, if you open it up and you don’t feel the heat because the excitement has worn off and you realize you don’t really need it, you know you’re impulse spending. Also as well, remember, if you are anything like me, which you may be, I know I’m awful at returning.

So don’t ever buy anything thinking you are going to return it. I know hands down I won’t return it. There’s nothing I hate more than going to the post office and returning something. So if I’m buying online, I know once it hits my home, I’m not returning it. So don’t play a game that you’re going to return it unless you are actually good at returning things. Next one, phone a friend.

If you’ve got a big purchase, you may need to just run it past a friend or a partner. For example, a quick text, a quick phone call. I do this strategy with my impulse ideas.

Now I’m an incredibly impulsive person and I’ve had to create boundaries for myself. And initially when my psychologist recommended that I do this, I felt a little bit controlled because I thought, well why should I have to call my husband to ask him if I can do that? He’s not my keeper. But I can see actually that having a friend, family member, anybody to run something by is really helpful.

Next one, budgeting. It sounds boring. Budgeting can be really empowering. Start with a realistic total and then divide it into categories. With the cost of living at the moment, the economy and the way that everyone’s feeling the pinch, no one likes a budget, but you may need to budget. If you have a partner or a family member and you’re sharing funds with them and you know that they are probably going to overspend, it may be a great idea to share this episode with them or do it together.

It is boring, but it does work. Also be aware if you are making budgets, don’t forget all the extras. So it’s not just gifts, it can be wrapping paper, postage, party supplies, extra food, alcohol if you drink, travel.

All of those things add up. So for example, if you are on a strict budget and you know that you only have a certain amount of money to buy for gifts and Christmas lunch, you may need to take that out in cash and take that with you to the shops. That’s all you have. You’ve got to make it work. The next one is doing it yourself. Now do-it-yourself gifts can seem really budget friendly and they are at times, but also be really careful with ADHD traps here.

So for example, if anyone follows my Instagram, you’ll see that I decided that I would buy some fun homemade stuff for the kids to make for their teachers and a few people all messaged about these cookie mix and the new ice set and it’s like a pack. So it all comes and then you do it yourself. However, I tell you what, that cost a lot more than I thought it would.

And also it’s not in my skillset because I’m awful at baking and cooking. And then I really overcommitted with the amount of time that that would take and the amount that we had to make. And now when I reflect on it, I wish we had have spent the time doing maybe a really nice card and then just doing a store-bought cookie and something else.

Next one is managing emotional triggers. Christmas is emotional and often emotion will drive spending. If you’ve had a bad day, it does feel pretty satisfying to put some things in a car. I get it. That’s when I do my online is when I’m at the end of the day and I’m stressed and I think I’m getting jobs done, but I’m actually overspending. For example, I know if I go to the supermarket and I’m hungry or I’m stressed or I’m tired, I will walk around all the aisles, pick up packets of things, eat them.

I will always pay for it at the end, but oh my God, I’ve eaten a lot of food and I’ve spent a lot of money. So think about if you’re not feeling good, if you’re tired, you’re stressed, you’re emotional, you’re upset about something, probably not the best time to get on the Kmart website. For me, it shows up with I’m getting things done.

I like to feel productive and in control when I feel stressed, but actually what I’m doing is buying unnecessary things. So think about the triggers. Is it guilt? Is it because maybe you have been stressed and you haven’t spent as much time with one of your children as you wish so now you’re spending a lot of extra money on the perfect Christmas? Are you feeling stressed about your in-laws coming so now you’re spending all this money on decorations? Have a think about whether you can focus on connection over buying things.

Is it about the price tag or is it about the thought and the love and the feeling? Here’s a I found myself panic buying because I had bought both of my boys, who were six and five, these particular remote control boats. I hadn’t checked it and I realized a couple of days before that I only had one boat and I had two kids. I couldn’t go get a different branded boat because of course one would have been better than the other.

I ended up buying two brand new boats that were the same and then I had a spare boat because I hadn’t ordered it properly from the beginning. At that time, in that moment, I just wanted to make it right and I was so stressed out about it I overspent on these boats. You know what? They didn’t even use them that much.

When I talked to him about last Christmas the other day, neither of the kids mentioned the boats. That time, that energy, that money that I spent didn’t even seem to matter. What they remembered was going on the boat with my brother at his house.

They remembered the snake that crawled up to the house. They remembered the drama. They remembered the fun.

If you ask your kids what they got last Christmas, I’d love to know how much they remember. Mine didn’t seem to remember much which was devastating. Also do the love languages with your kid.

I know it sounds a bit silly but find out what your kids love. My kids love one-on-one time probably because they were born within four years of each other, all three. They don’t get as much one-on-one as I’d like them to.

So maybe your gift this Christmas is something that you can do one-on-one and maybe that is your big gift and you don’t spend as much money. Maybe the gift is time. Maybe the gift is connection.

So have a think about your own family and ask your kids how they feel about the past Christmases because you may be spending unnecessary money on things that are just not hitting that mark. Here’s a permission slip to pause before purchases, budget intentionally, focus over connection before buying expensive gifts and most importantly know that it’s not perfect. It’s not going to be perfect.

Let’s drop the perfectionism. Thanks for listening to ADHD Mums. If this episode resonated with you, share it with another mum who might need some encouragement this holiday season.