Episode 78 – Could it be ARFID? Spotting the signs + why it’s not just fussy eating with Margo White

Jane McFadden:
Have you ever been to a family event and you’ve been sitting down on the ground with your child who’s crying under the table and a relative wonders out loud why you’re not just being tougher? Maybe you’re trying to explain ADHD to a teacher or maybe your partner just thinks it’s all screen time and doesn’t even believe in ADHD. Enter A Child’s Diagnosis, a mum’s guide to support and helping others get it.

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All right, let’s get into today’s episode. Hello and welcome to ADHD Mums. Today we have one of the most anticipated episodes, which is around ARFID — Avoidant Food Restrictive Intake Disorder — and we are moving towards a clinical insight around what practical things we can do at home.

If you’ve been listening consistently, you will know that last week we interviewed Claire Britton around her personal struggle with ARFID and how that’s impacted her and what she wishes parents knew.

However, today we are interviewing Margot, who Claire recommended. If you’d like to know more about Margot, I’m going to put all of her information in the show notes.

Margot is a Certified Practicing Nutritionist and she owns Whole Body Nutrition. She’s a very proud AuDHDer — that’s autistic and ADHD. She’s a mother of two and understands the challenges that both her clients and families face when they come to the clinic.

Her passion comes from lived experience with an eating disorder in her youth and the very limited information that was available back then. Margot’s style is neuroaffirming, trauma-informed, and grounded in lived experience. She gently encourages clients to understand that there are different ways of eating and validates sensory feeding differences, building strong relationships between child and parent or therapist.

Welcome, Margot, and thank you so much for being here.

Margo White:
Thank you so much for having me.

Jane McFadden:
Okay, so if you’re wanting to understand the basics of ARFID, please go back and listen to Claire’s episode. We’re not going to rehash that today because when we have practical strategies, people want to get straight into it. So, Margot, what would be some of the early warning signs of ARFID that parents should really start looking out for?

Margo White:
There are quite a few, so I’ll go through the main ones.

In younger children, you might see weight loss or delayed growth, or difficulty gaining weight. There might be nutritional deficiency symptoms like fatigue, pale skin, frequent illness, hair loss, dry skin, or brittle nails. Some kids have a reduced appetite or a lack of interest in food and eating, and they may eat very slowly.

Often there’s a very limited diet — sometimes because of sensory differences, not liking certain tastes, textures, smells, or the visual look of food. Kids with ARFID might eat the same foods daily for a day, a week, a month, or even years on end. Then they might experience what we call a food jag — when that food suddenly gives them the ‘ick’ and they can’t go back to it, either temporarily or permanently.

Kids with ARFID will choose not to eat if there are no safe foods available — and this is a can’t, not a won’t. Food is a threat to their nervous system. You might see anxiety or distress around food and mealtimes — meltdowns, resistance, or fear of trying new foods.

Social anxiety or withdrawal can also occur, particularly at school or social events involving food. They may prefer to eat alone. Finally, you might see digestive concerns such as constipation, stomach pain, cramping, or reflux.

Jane McFadden:
Is ARFID more common among neurodivergent children, or does it affect neurotypical kids as well?

Margo White:
That’s a great question. I don’t want to minimise anyone’s experience, but in my clinical work, I’ve only ever had one client with ARFID who identified as neurotypical. And as we discussed their history, there were clear signs of autism.

So, typically, ARFID co-occurs with autism or autism and ADHD. Some health professionals believe ARFID is actually a subset of autism — similar to PDA — and I can understand that, because it’s almost always linked to sensory processing differences.

We see difficulties with taste, texture, smell, and the visual aspects of food. Many neurodivergent kids also struggle with interoception — the ability to sense hunger or fullness cues — which affects appetite and regular eating.

Consistency and routine around meals are crucial. Changes or unpredictability can cause distress and make eating difficult. Many children need food prepared in very specific ways — particular brands, precise textures, or presentation on a certain plate. Even small differences can make a food unsafe for them.

Children may also eat the same foods on repeat until they experience a food jag. And if there are no safe foods, they may rather starve than eat something unsafe.

Forcing them to eat can trigger their nervous system — from fight-or-flight to fawn mode — where they mask distress and eat just to please an adult. This can cause trauma.

Often, there’s also an anxiety component, and sometimes trauma from early experiences — like lip or tongue ties, reflux, or being force-fed as a child. These can deeply impact feeding and development.

Jane McFadden:
Wow, that was so informative. Thank you, Margot.

Online, there’s a lot of information about ARFID, but it’s hard to know what’s reliable. What are some myths you’ve seen that just aren’t true?

Margo White:
There are plenty of myths. One big one is that people with ARFID only eat beige foods. That’s not true. Food preferences vary depending on the individual, their ethnicity, and culture. Some of my clients eat colourful foods; others don’t.

Another myth is that constant exposure to new foods will make someone ‘grow out of’ ARFID. That’s false. In fact, forcing exposure can traumatise the child, reducing their food range and increasing anxiety.

And perhaps the biggest myth — that you can ‘fix’ or ‘cure’ ARFID. I don’t believe you can. It’s a neurodivergence, meaning it’s part of someone’s neurological wiring. You can support and accommodate, but not cure it.

ARFID may fluctuate — sometimes there’s more variety, sometimes less — depending on capacity and stress. Parents are always doing the best they can with the information they have. When we know better, we do better.

Jane McFadden:
Yes, that’s so true. It’s really hard — you want to give parents tools without shaming them for what they didn’t know.

Something I’ve noticed in my house is secrecy around food. Lunchboxes are a huge issue. Is secrecy common with ARFID?

Margo White:
Yes, very common. Kids with ARFID may feel embarrassed or anxious about their limited food choices. They might worry others will comment or judge them.

Past experiences — like being teased by peers or corrected by adults — can create shame and lead to secretive eating as a safety mechanism. Eating alone also reduces sensory overwhelm from smells or sounds, like chewing (misophonia).

So, when children prefer to eat alone, it’s often protective — helping them regulate and avoid judgment.

Jane McFadden:
That makes sense. Teachers at my kids’ school check lunchboxes to make sure everyone has food — which is lovely — but for kids with ARFID, it feels like scrutiny.

Margo White:
Absolutely. That can create anxiety. There’s so much pressure around the ‘perfect lunchbox.’ But it’s okay if kids don’t eat much at school — they can make up for it at home.

Forcing a ‘typical’ meal — like a sandwich — isn’t helpful. If the choice is between chocolate and nothing, always choose something.

Jane McFadden:
That’s so relatable.

So, for parents struggling with ARFID at home — especially without access to specialists — what can they do practically?

Margo White:
First, reflect on whether your mealtime expectations come from societal pressure or what truly works for your family. Reject neuro-normative ideals.

For some families, that might mean saying no to family dinners if they cause meltdowns. Allow distractions — iPads, audiobooks, or sitting on the couch — whatever helps maintain peace.

Mindful eating isn’t always helpful for neurodivergent kids. It can actually increase anxiety. Distractions and movement can make eating easier and more comfortable.

Learn your child’s sensory preferences — avoid serving foods that cause distress. Don’t pressure or comment on what or how they eat. Autonomy and validation are key.

Let them choose what, when, and where to eat when possible. Avoid judging combinations or calling foods ‘weird.’ Even if they liked a food before, don’t force them to eat it again.

And most importantly — validate their experience. Their fears are real, and they often wish they could eat more easily. Compassion, patience, and accommodations go a long way.

Jane McFadden:
Yes, and watching them try can be heartbreaking — the gagging, the tears. It’s not just ‘picky eating.’

So, how can we gently expand their diets?

Margo White:
Expansion must be child-led. If they’re in burnout, focus only on safe foods and supplements if needed.

If they express interest — say they saw a food online — support them, but don’t pressure. Even touching, smelling, or helping prepare food counts as exposure.

It’s okay if they don’t eat it. That’s still progress. Avoid praise that creates pressure — like cheering — but you can quietly celebrate privately.

Jane McFadden:
Yes, I see that. Some kids love praise, others feel pressured. You have to know your child.

Margo White:
Exactly. Parents know their child best. There’s no one-size-fits-all.

Jane McFadden:
What do you wish more parents knew about ARFID at home — to reduce guilt and stress?

Margo White:
That it’s not your fault. ARFID isn’t bad parenting. It’s often linked to neurodivergence and sensory processing differences.

Society pressures parents to ‘fix’ eating, but ARFID doesn’t work that way. Focus on understanding, supporting, and accommodating.

Also remember — health is multifaceted. Nutrition is just one part, and according to social determinants of health, less than 30% of outcomes are food-related.

The goal isn’t variety — it’s building a positive relationship with food. That foundation matters most.

Jane McFadden:
That’s beautiful. It reminds me of the Rock and Water program — teaching when to be flexible (water) and when to stand firm (rock). I tell my husband, ‘We have to be water at dinner — we already have one rock, and it’s our child.’

Travel is another big challenge. My husband loves it, but I find it overwhelming because of ARFID. Safe foods don’t always travel well, and meals often fail. It’s exhausting. Any tips?

Margo White:
Yes, this is so common. Travel brings change — new foods, routines, and environments.

Before going, talk about the trip, show photos, look at menus, and even write social stories about what to expect. This builds predictability and reduces anxiety.

Bring comfort items — favourite plate, utensils, or blanket. Lower expectations: if they eat hot chips all weekend, that’s okay. Hydration is more important.

If travel feels too much, it’s okay to say no. Your capacity matters too. Sometimes, parents need to protect their own nervous systems.

And if you do go, maybe let kids eat before or after outings, or just join without eating. Remove pressure where you can.

Jane McFadden:
Yes, that’s such a good reminder — our needs matter too. Sometimes it’s just too much.

Margo White:
Exactly. Parenting ARFID is emotionally exhausting. So, my final message is — get support for yourself too. That’s crucial.

Jane McFadden:
Thank you so much, Margot. This has been such a helpful and validating discussion.

If anyone has questions or wants to know more about Margot, all her details will be in the show notes.

Margo White:
Thank you so much for having me. It’s been a pleasure.

Jane McFadden:
And remember — you are not alone. Thank you for listening. If you enjoyed this episode, follow us on Instagram or join the ADHD Mums Podcast Facebook community. Everything you do matters and helps spread awareness about neurodiversity in females.