The chaos is not your fault — but there are ways to make it suck less

If you’ve ever watched your child sob into a half-eaten piece of toast, or found yourself yelling over missing shoes, or just stood there paralysed at the sheer volume of needs — this one’s for you.

ADHD mornings aren’t about Pinterest routines and happy music. They’re about surviving a high-stakes, high-conflict window with executive function gaps, medication timing gaps, and zero chill. In this episode, ADHD parenting coach Sharon Collin joins Jane to unpack exactly what’s going on in those brutal pre-8:30 hours — and how to reduce the chaos without sacrificing your sanity.

Let’s Be Honest: Mornings Are a Sh*t Show

Sharon doesn’t sugarcoat it: mornings are objectively terrible for ADHD families. Here’s why:

• Executive dysfunction is at its peak
• Transitions pile up (getting dressed, brushing teeth, getting in the car…)
• Boring tasks feel insurmountable
• Medications haven’t kicked in yet
• Time blindness makes everything feel last-minute

This is not the time for deep connection or teachable moments. This is triage.

‘It’s not The Sound of Music. No one’s spinning on a mountain. We’re just trying to survive the 7:30–8:30 am war zone.’ — Sharon

The Key Concept: Open Brain vs Closed Brain

Sharon introduces her pinball machine analogy — an ADHD brain is like a machine with little flippers. The flippers can be:

• Open: the brain is engaged, receptive, ready to try.
• Closed: the brain is overwhelmed, shut down, or in fight/flight.
• Neutral: the brain is in habit mode, cruising through routines without resistance.

Most of our parenting fails happen because we try to push on a closed brain. Think: threatening, yelling, rushing, or stacking tasks.

Open Brain strategies include:

• Praise or encouragement
• Talking about their interests
• Asking a low-stakes question
• Injecting novelty or humour

Task Paralysis = Closed Brain (Not Laziness)

When your child freezes, shuts down, or gets back into bed — it’s not defiance. It’s a nervous system response. For some kids, that looks like aggression. For others, it looks like collapse.

Your job isn’t to push them through. It’s to help them get back to open-brain mode.

This could be as small as:

• Noticing they packed their bag without being asked
• Making a duck noise to interrupt the spiral
• Asking what they’re looking forward to today

It only takes a minute to de-escalate. But forcing them through meltdown mode? That’s the long road.

Top Mistakes We All Make (And What To Do Instead)

❌ Mistake 1: Bringing rushing energy.
✅ Instead: Slow down your voice, your body, your instructions. Dysregulation thrives on speed.

❌ Mistake 2: Focusing on behaviour instead of systems.
✅ Instead: Use systems to lower your cognitive load — think visual charts, routines, and scaffolds.

❌ Mistake 3: Expecting delayed gratification.
✅ Instead: Go for immediate, achievable wins. Show them the ice cream. Don’t promise it later.

❌ Mistake 4: Stacking requests.
✅ Instead: One instruction at a time — don’t add more just because you see a glimmer of hope.

The Role of Visual Schedules 

Visual schedules are only useful if they:

• Have minimal steps (think: breakfast, get dressed, brush teeth)
• Live in the child’s world (accessible, visible, used often)
• Are referred to by you (not handed off to the child to manage alone)
• Avoid perfectionist overloading (don’t plan for your fantasy child)

And skip the big family announcements. Just start doing it.

Systems Beat Goals — Every Time

‘You don’t rise to the level of your goals. You fall to the level of your systems.’ — James Clear

In ADHD households, this couldn’t be truer. If your mornings are burning down, don’t aim for motivation — aim for infrastructure.

That means:

• Automating boring tasks
• Removing barriers (put the toothbrush by the breakfast plate)
• Establishing habits slowly, over time

And for the love of executive function, let go of the magnetic reward charts you’ll never find the pieces for again.

If This Morning Broke You — You’re Not Alone

You’re not bad at parenting. You’re parenting in a system that was never built for your kind of brain, or your kids’. There is no whiteboard that fixes this. But there are ways to soften the intensity, reduce the conflict, and stop finishing every morning in tears.

This episode is full of those tiny, realistic changes — from someone who actually lives it.

Listen to the full episode:

The ADHD Mum’s Guide to Surviving School Mornings (Without Tears – Theirs or Yours)
→ Spotify
→ Apple Podcasts

Related Resources

• Managing Everyday Life with ADHD
• The Shutdown Kit — for those mornings that completely unravel you