Episode 76 – Beyond ‘Picky Eating’ – What ARFID Feels Like: Claire Britton’s Personal Story

Jane McFadden:
Hi ADHD mums, let’s talk about something that so many of us go through—finally realising that maybe, just maybe, your brain has been playing by a completely different rulebook this whole time. Maybe you’ve always been forgetful, distracted, overwhelmed by basic life admin. Or maybe you’re go, go, go, bouncing between hyper focus, starting projects at 11 o’clock at night, running on pure adrenaline until you crash and then you can’t get out of bed.

The truth is, ADHD is not one thing, and knowing how it actually shows up for you is the key to making life easier. That’s exactly why I created the ADHD pre-diagnosis workbook—a guide made specifically for women and mothers navigating through this process. Before you even set foot in the psychiatrist’s office, this workbook helps you figure out what type of ADHD you most align with—hyperactive, inattentive, or a mix of both—how ADHD uniquely impacts your daily life, emotions, and parenting, and the strategies that actually work for your brain, so you can start making changes today.

Because here’s the thing: ADHD in women often looks different from the classic stereotype. If you’re ready to get clarity on what’s going on with your brain and walk through your diagnosis or self-understanding feeling empowered instead of lost, grab a copy of the ADHD pre-diagnosis workbook now on adhdmums.com.au, because knowing your ADHD is the first step to working with it, not against it.

Hello and welcome to ADHD Mums. Today we have another interview with one of the most requested return guests. Who is it? Clare Britton. How are you, Clare?

Claire Britton:
I am good, thank you. A bit chaotic but good.

Jane McFadden:
What about you, Jane?

Jane McFadden:
I am the same. I was running around half crying earlier looking for a computer charger and it’s just been a complete mess. And it’s only 7am there, Clare, hey?

Claire Britton:
We’re three hours behind you, I think. I love the optimistic Clare from the past who booked that in, considering you’ve got two kids under three.

Jane McFadden:
It’s five, so it’s basically lunchtime. That’s okay. You’ve had what, like six hours of broken sleep?

Claire Britton:
Exactly. Early parenthood life. That’s all you need. Really. It’s all you need to lose your biscuits.

Jane McFadden:
Okay, so for anyone who doesn’t remember Clare’s previous episodes, well firstly, you’re missing out. Clare has done two other episodes. Clare’s executive function episode is one of the most popular, and the evidence-based strategies one is very good as well—but particularly the executive function one has had a really high download rate.

One of the reasons, I think, is because she actually went into what executive function is, instead of just throwing the word around, which we all tend to do but actually don’t know what it means. So that is a great episode to listen to. I’ll put both in the show notes.

Clare is an OT from Perth. She runs Neuro Inclusion. I’m going to put all of her website and her details in there. Clare is a mum with two young children. She’s neurodiverse herself, aren’t you, Clare?

Claire Britton:
Yes, I’m neurodivergent.

Jane McFadden:
Just making sure that no one here thinks we’ve got a random neurotypical person that’s about to talk to us about ARFID. So Clare, one of the biggest hot topics we have is ARFID. Whenever I post about it on my stories, I get so many replies. Over the Christmas break, I really got to a crisis level with two of my kids where I was like, right, I’ve just got to get on this.

From that, there has been so much asking of questions and outpouring from the community. I don’t have the expertise to even get into ARFID because I am battling it myself with my two children. We have an episode coming up with Margo, who you very generously pointed out would be a great person for a clinical perspective.

So that episode is coming out next week after this one. This episode is going to be about the personal journey, and then we’ll do the clinical stuff with Margo next week.

Claire Britton:
Yeah, it’s so interesting because my previous podcast episodes with you have been me being the clinician. I feel a lot more comfortable being the therapist and being the clinician, and talking about my own challenges and my own differences is quite unnerving.

I think a lot of neurodivergent people, especially those that work in teaching or therapy spaces where we look after others, are really good at supporting other people with their challenges—but when it becomes about us, it’s actually really hard.

We see that even with parenting. We can support our kids with it, but when we reflect on the fact that that’s an issue or difference we experience too, we realise it’s hard to put ourselves out there and get the support and acknowledgment for our own challenges.

Jane McFadden:
Oh, absolutely. I love hearing from neurodivergent adults about what could have been handled differently or better by parents back in the day, when no one knew what anything was. People didn’t know what depression was. So it’s a conversation that your parents wouldn’t have known any better about, regardless of how hard they tried.

But it’s great to hear from an adult, because when you’re looking at a child and you haven’t experienced it yourself, it’s hard to relate. I don’t think I’ve experienced it myself, although in saying that, I did have quite a significant eating disorder for a long period of time, and I’m autistic. So whether I actually did, who knows? I might discover from this conversation that maybe I did.

So what was it like for you growing up with ARFID?

Claire Britton:
I grew up in a very neurodivergent family. So it was just part of our normal culture. I didn’t really see it as anything different. We had pasta four to five nights a week and that was just stock-standard dinner. We didn’t really choose what was for dinner—my mum was the big cook and she would cook the meals based on what the majority would eat. Pasta was our safe food. So if in doubt, we were having pasta.

As I got older and started going to other people’s houses, I realised, oh, you don’t have pasta for dinner? That realisation hit that I was missing out on other types of foods.

Jane McFadden:
So you don’t have to name them, but did you have siblings as well?

Claire Britton:
Yeah, my brother and sister are younger than me, and same thing—we all just ate the same foods. It was completely normalised.

Jane McFadden:
So you had five people eating the same repetitive pasta and it was the safe food for all of you.

Claire Britton:
Exactly. Majority of the time it was the same spaghetti bolognese recipe. If there was a slight change—say, more herbs or the vegetables chopped differently—we wouldn’t touch it. Any variation in texture meant we just didn’t eat it. But I grew up in that household where you ate what you were given, and not eating was seen as disrespectful to the cook and the family.

If we didn’t like what was prepared, it was tough luck. You were going to sit there and eat it. That created a stressful situation around mealtimes. It was probably one of the only times we all sat together as a family, so difficult conversations were often brought up at the table. It became a high-intensity, stressful environment.

Jane McFadden:
That sounds overwhelming.

Claire Britton:
It was. And now, not having that connection with my family, it’s really interesting navigating mealtimes that are now calm and respectful. My husband’s British, so they value mealtime as family time, but they don’t bring up big topics during it.

Jane McFadden:
How would it often play out for you when you’d leave the family home?

Claire Britton:
I remember being 14, living in Melbourne, and going into the city with friends. We went to Boost Juice, and my brain just exploded. I was like, how did they put mango and apple in a liquid? I had never seen or thought of that combination before.

I never mixed foods. I’d eat all the carrots first, then something else. I don’t like mixed textures—that’s part of my sensory sensitivity. So I flew under the radar because I technically ate everything, just separately. But that Boost Juice moment was a huge sensory shock for me.

Jane McFadden:
That’s fascinating.

Claire Britton:
It wasn’t until I moved out at 22 that I realised people go to different restaurants and eat different foods. We always went to the same place. When I moved out, all my structure disappeared. I didn’t know how to cook or how to tolerate mixed foods. Watching my housemate cook made me nauseous. I realised this was anxiety.

I saw a psychologist, but they didn’t pick up on it at the time. I wasn’t diagnosed until 28. Looking back, hindsight is 20/20.

At one point, I even used Tinder as food exposure therapy. I’d go on dates three nights a week, trying different restaurants and foods—not for dating, but for exposure. I’d feel panicked or tense, but I pushed through it.

Jane McFadden:
That’s such a creative way to desensitise yourself.

Claire Britton:
Yeah. And funnily enough, that’s how I met my husband. He was a Tuesday night dinner guy! I wasn’t dressed up, it wasn’t about dating, but we just clicked. He’s been my biggest supporter. He does all the cooking, and I’m fine with that. I’d rather spend my energy on things I enjoy.

Jane McFadden:
I completely agree. My husband and I are both neurodivergent, and we had to divide tasks that way too. We worked with a marriage counsellor who said everything has to go into three categories: what Jane does, what Harvey does, and what neither of you wants to do but can afford to outsource.

At first, we couldn’t outsource anything, but it gave us motivation to work toward it. For example, if Harvey did two more sessions at the gym, he didn’t have to mow the lawn. It completely changed how we lived.

Claire Britton:
That’s brilliant. It’s the same logic I use. I delegate all cooking to my husband. It was jarring at first, seeing how many foods he eats that I don’t. But I’ve learned that food has huge cultural and emotional implications. Me not eating something isn’t disrespect—it’s sensory or emotional. But others can misinterpret it.

Jane McFadden:
Yes! My husband loves cooking and critiquing his own food. I find it so confusing. I grew up where you always said “thank you” no matter how it tasted. So when he critiques a meal I’ve made after a chaotic day, I find it hard not to take it personally.

Claire Britton:
Exactly. And when you add cultural and financial factors, it becomes even more complex. For many families, food waste isn’t an option. There’s so much pressure around what a “good parent” is based on how their children eat. Language like “failure to thrive” is incredibly harmful.

Parents just want to feed their kids, even if it means McDonald’s chips. Society doesn’t see that nuance.

Jane McFadden:
Yes, and for kids with ARFID, it’s not just picky eating. My kids will literally go 24 hours without food if it’s not what they can tolerate.

Claire Britton:
That’s the key difference. ARFID isn’t a choice. It’s about sensory sensitivity—temperature, texture, flavor, even environment. A food eaten at school might not be tolerated at home. Emotional state affects it too. Stress can make eating impossible.

Even pregnancy changed my safe foods, and that uncertainty was hard. My husband would say, “But you loved this last week,” and I’d have to say, “Not today.” It’s not about being difficult—it’s neurological.

Jane McFadden:
That’s such an important point.

Claire Britton:
I’ve learned that when introducing new foods, the less pressure, the better. If the child feels in control, it helps. For example, get them to show a picture of what they mean by “chicken nugget.” Visual familiarity helps.

There’s a great therapy called the SOS (Sequential Oral Sensory) feeding approach. It breaks eating into stages—tolerating the food, interacting with it, touching it, smelling it, then tasting it. You can make it playful, like painting with carrots.

It’s all about gradual exposure and regulation. No one eats when stressed.

Jane McFadden:
Exactly. Last question—what do you wish your parents understood?

Claire Britton:
That there’s no choice involved. Removing the pressure and guilt would have made all the difference. I wish they’d noticed the stress and chosen calmer times to encourage eating instead of sticking to rigid mealtimes.

Hunger cues often get missed for neurodivergent kids. So patience, empathy, and curiosity go a long way. Ask what foods feel safe and why. Focus on what works for the individual, not what society says is “best.”

Jane McFadden:
Absolutely. Thank you for your time and sharing today, Clare. I found that really interesting and I’m sure so many people will relate.

Claire Britton:
Thank you so much for having me. Always a pleasure.

Jane McFadden:
See you, Clare.

Claire Britton:
Bye.

Jane McFadden:
The key message here is you are not alone. Thank you for listening. If you enjoyed this episode, follow us on Instagram or join our ADHD Mums Podcast Facebook community. Everything you do matters and helps spread the word about what neurodiversity in females looks like.